PastorG and I have been thinking and talking for years about the spiritual lives of young women. It began when we were very young women ourselves, hungering for a book or resource that addressed where we were in our lives. We had a couple of basic questions:

First: For women in our generation, who came of age after the sexual revolution, and who were told that the sky was the limit on what we could be or do—who have so many choices available to us—how do we discern our way through that? In the midst of shifting roles and endless options, from where (i.e., from Whom) does our basic identity come? What grounds us, and how do we stay in touch with that grounding?

And second, yet related to the first: After the reality dawns, and we learn that we in fact cannot be or do whatever we want, because there is only so much time and energy available to us (and because there are still barriers for women out there)—then what? How do we move forward, letting go of what will not be, and being content with the path that we’ve chosen? It goes beyond working outside the home vs. staying at home to raise children, or deciding to do each of these in sequence, or opting to forgo children altogether—although those decisions are a big part of it.

The problem was, there wasn’t much out there to help us navigate these questions. Most of the stuff on women’s spirituality is written for the Oprah generation. The presumption is, You’re fifty and fabulous. You’re wise now. You’re grounded, or seeking to be, instead of chasing after the folly of youth. Your kids are out of the house, and it’s time to rediscover who you are. Not so useful for women who have kids in diapers and yet who have plenty of wisdom of their own.

So, we dreamed. We planned. We did workshops together. We pored over the story of Ruth and Naomi, and wondered endlessly about Orpah, the daughter-in-law who goes back to her kinfolk rather than strike out with Naomi into an uncertain future. Could Ruth and Orpah be archetypes for the kinds of decisions young women have to make each day?

I e-mailed an editor, who called me back immediately and asked when we could send a book proposal. And I think PastorG and I both panicked and froze from the excitement and energy behind it all. A resource for young women didn’t exist, but did we have what it took to create one?

We took a few stabs at a proposal, and kept dreaming and planning, but the truth is, life intervened. Young womanhood intervened—marriages, moves, explorations, new jobs, pregnancy and birth. Every now and then we’d talk about The Book, and we’d jokingly ask one another whether we’d actually get around to writing it while we were still young enough to have any street cred. And, while we were young enough to actually derive some benefit ourselves.

PastorG and I are now 33. We’ve been talking about The Book for 9 years, since we first met. Our focus has changed as our lives have changed. Now we are interested in ministry and motherhood—how they can seem to compete with one another, and how they can complement one another in powerful ways. (reverendmother reflects two of my roles in life, but the name also grows from a passionate interest.) Again, there is not much written on the subject. Women in ministry are not all that new a phenomenon. What is somewhat new is a sense that the ministry, while being an incredibly demanding profession, also demands good boundaries, and a healthy family life is essential to that.

Many of our elder clergy colleagues accuse our generation of being lazy and soft, when in fact we are simply unwilling to do ministry in such a way that requires us to repent to our children when they’re grown for missing their birthdays and soccer games because of meetings with the finance committee. (PastorG knows a pastor who went through just such a process when he retired.) In a repeat of the book proposal incident, we contacted a denominational representative, who loved the idea of getting a cohort group of young clergy mothers together to talk theologically and practically about the joys and pratfalls of ministry and motherhood as joint vocations. There was even money available to pay the group’s expenses. Again, we got started. And again, life intervened.

part II