This post is about blood and goo and life and the human body.
If you’re squeamish about blood and goo and life and the human body, read no further.

There is a dear young woman in my life who got her first period over the summer. Her mother e-mailed me because the two of them are celebrating with a spa day tomorrow, and she asked if I wanted to write any words of wisdom or encouragement to share with her daughter. Here is part of what I wrote:

Congratulations! I am so happy for you!

Why am I happy for you? It may not be the reason you think.

Yes, you are commemorating a transition into womanhood, something that you share with billions of women who have gone before you. Something that unlocks the possibility of bearing children someday. (WAY in the future, young lady.) Something that you can commiserate about with other women in the ladies’ room. (I have found the sisterhood to be very generous with sharing feminine supplies when needed.)

And that is all wonderful, but that's not why I’m happy for you.

I’m happy for you because you are in a family that celebrates such a milestone as the rite of passage that it is--not something to be whispered about, but a natural part of life. As you enjoy a girly day with your mom, consider that some women are raised to ignore their bodies, or even worse, fear or loathe them. This still happens even today. Menstruation is too often seen as dirty and shameful, not as part of the natural cycle of things.

This business of getting one’s period can be awkward while you get the hang of it. That’s the reality, but know that it was the reality for everyone else too. What you have on your side, I think, is a positive self-image, and a wonderful family who cares about you and loves who you are. Don’t forget that. You are a powerful woman, with the power to create right there within you! I don’t just mean creating babies. You can create life, through your ideas and dreams, your projects and pursuits. Enjoy the life you’ve been given.

Love,
RM

I am sure that young women have a healthier and more open attitude toward menstruation generally than young women a few generations ago. We have come a long way, but there’s still plenty to get hung up about regarding our bodies. Consider this recent New York Times article, from the Health section: (I think registration is required, but it's free, and hey, it's the Times, you should be registered anyway.)

According to the M.D. who wrote the article, apparently some men are so traumatized by seeing their wives give birth that they do not find them sexually attractive anymore. “Several men have confessed to me that they never regained the same romantic view of their wives that they had before seeing them deliver children… [One man said], ‘I think one of the main reasons I don’t feel attracted to my wife is that I saw her give birth three times. It’s like I know too much about that part of her.’ The mystery is gone.”

Later he questions the utility of showing men anatomical drawings of their mate during childbirth classes: “I don’t know what is gained by showing the cross-sectional anatomy of a woman’s torso to her lover.”

And he closes the article with this: “Women may want to consider the risks as they invite their partners to watch them bring new life into the world. For some of the passion that binds them together may leave their lives at the very same time.”

I am sympathetic to men, and women, who are extremely squeamish about blood, or who took part in an extremely traumatic birth that continues to haunt them. This article does not focus on either of these. The men are not identified as squeamish generally; the births in the article are routine, uncomplicated births.

And yet the author seems to suggest that, in addition to all the other anxieties a pregnant woman is carrying around, it is also her job to “consider the risks” of having her beloved along for the big moment. The implication is that women cooked up this whole cockamamie idea, and that they “invite” their partners to spectate the event, like it was a truck and tractor show; in reality, most men in my generation would not have wanted to miss the birth of their own children for the world. Besides, I did not invite the Mr. to watch me bring new life into the world. I expected him there to do what he could to help me get through a grueling physical and emotional event.

But for me the most disturbing part of the article is this business about the “mystery” surrounding a woman’s sexual organs. “What is gained by showing a man a poster of a woman’s reproductive system?” the author asks. Is the female body, in all its complexity, really so distasteful that it’s better to keep the guy in the dark about his wife’s parts? Does clear and objective information really kill the libido?

I would venture to say that if a man can’t handle an anatomical diagram, he’s going to have a bear of a time with breastfeeding… not to mention the realities of life as his partner’s body ages, sags, wrinkles, emits gas, flabs, and breaks out in liver spots. Yikes.

I am supremely irritated by this article. Could you tell? But I'm mainly sad.

But more than that, I am happy for the beloved young woman in my life, who will enjoy a manicure and pedicure tomorrow with her mother to celebrate her passage into womanhood. And I am thankful that she, and many like her, are being encouraged to love and accept their bodies, which are “fearfully and wonderfully made, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.”*


*Psalm 139