Your bedroom isn't cluttered. It's just "passage
restrictive."

Kids don't get grounded anymore. They merely hit "social
speed bumps."

You're not late. You just have a "rescheduled arrival time."

You're not having a bad hair day. You're suffering from
"rebellious follicle syndrome."

No one's tall anymore. He's "vertically enhanced."

You're not shy. You're "conversationally selective."

You're not long-winded. You're just "abundantly verbal."

It's not called gossip anymore. It's "the speedy
transmission of near-factual information."

AND FOR STUDENTS...

The food at the school cafeteria isn't awful. It's
"digestively challenged."

No one fails a class anymore. He's merely "passing
impaired."

You don't have detention. You're just one of the "exit
delayed."

These days, a student isn't lazy. He's "energetically
declined."

Your locker isn't overflowing with junk. It's just "closure
prohibitive."

Your homework isn't missing. It's just having an
"out-of-notebook experience."

You're not sleeping in class. You're "rationing
consciousness."

You don't have smelly gym socks. You have "odor-retentive
athletic footwear."

You weren't passing notes in class. You were "participating
in the discreet exchange of penned meditations."

You're not being sent to the principal's office. You're
"going on a mandatory field trip to the administration building."