"All the world is mad except thee and me
And sometimes I suspect even thee."

My mother used to say this, saying it was an old tongue-in-cheek Quaker saying. I've never heard it anywhere else, but then there aren't many Friends around to ask.

I was awakened at 3 a.m. by LM who wanted to know if I wanted to have lunch with him. He'd had his breakfast pills and now was heating up something for lunch. When I pointed out how dark it was outside, he said, "Yes, the damned darkest day I've ever seen. Overcast, too."

I agreed it was dark and pointed out that it was the wee hours of the morning, and no, I wasn't sick in bed, I was asleep in bed. Then he was angry because I hadn't awakened him in time to take his pills. I was too freaked out at that point to argue.

Somewhere along the way he lost/gained a day or day and a half and was convinced the day was coming up Monday. He has now taken far too much of his medication and I have to monitor him closely until he metabolized the stuff and normalizes.

Knowing what to do isn't the problem; the problem is that this kind of thing, where someone is disoriented and out of touch with reality (in fact denying the evidence of his own eyes in favor of an inner belief) scares me to death. I am frightened to the very core of my being and I have to just keep on dealing with it and reassuring myself that it will be OK. Somewhere, somehow it will all work out.

And if it doesn't, I'll call 911. I know that I'm over-reacting because of childhood experiences and that knowledge helps stabilize me. If I could deal with a paranoid schizophrenic and keep her oriented to reality as a child, I can do it for LM and his psychosis now.

The difference is that as a child I knew I'd grow up and move out some day; I know this current situation is forever and that he, like my mother, is good at fooling the medical establishment, giving them the answers they want to hear. The whole situation depresses me, but I'll deal with it. What do they say? Gotta keep on keeping on.

Right at the moment, though, I think I'll go back to bed.