Willpower is supposed to be the way to deal with the temptations of the season. Just say no to sweets, alcohol, one night stands. Whatever your besetting temptation, you are a better person than that. Your value as a person becomes attached to your ability to say no.

What a bunch of hogwash. We all have weaknesses, temptations. The appropriate response is to say, in this area I am weak. I cannot stay away from...whatever it is that lures me into excess or danger. Admit it. Out loud to another person, if necessary.

From that standpoint you can move on to your strategy. For instance, I cannot control my love for chocolate, so I do not buy hot chocolate when driving through Starbucks (ostensibly for someone else, but then I drink it myself.) When someone gives me a two pound box of See's chocolates, I put them out of my office and onto the desk by the walk-in counter. Because I cannot not eat them if they are on my desk.

I admit it. I have no self-control, so I have to manage my weakness by these actions. Even though, for the moment, I feel no temptations, I feel strong, I know that I crave chocolate and will not be able to resist it.

No, that confession does not make me a bad person or a loser; when I admit willpower alone won't control my chocolate cravings, I simply say what is so, and how I will deal with it. I remain the good strong person I always was.

And if I slip and have a piece of chocolate from the box, I do not suddenly become a bad person, a lapsed chocoholic. Just one who needs to go back on the wagon. Now.

"Just Say No" is a misleading slogan, leading to overestimation of self-control and restraint, and backlash from failure.