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Now, for today from StrangeCosmos:
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings." (Batty can confirm my feelings on this one.)
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
6. You should not confuse your career with your life. (Amen!)
7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. (Just watch the news).
8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy, but brilliant.
9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
10. Never lick a steak knife. (ouch!)
11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
12. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip. (Which is why "Do not harm through words" is one of the Five Precepts).
13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight saving time.
14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. Or maybe 12.
16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. (Rather like Lake Wobegone, where all children are above average).
17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them. (And they do it so well!)
18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails. It's an accurate way to discern a person's true character.)
19. Your friends love you anyway. (For which I'm very grateful).
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings." (Batty can confirm my feelings on this one.)
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
5. And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He will NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle.
6. You should not confuse your career with your life. (Amen!)
7. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. (Just watch the news).
8. When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy, but brilliant.
9. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
10. Never lick a steak knife. (ouch!)
11. Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie.
12. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip. (Which is why "Do not harm through words" is one of the Five Precepts).
13. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight saving time.
14. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
15. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. Or maybe 12.
16. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. (Rather like Lake Wobegone, where all children are above average).
17. The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them. (And they do it so well!)
18. A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails. It's an accurate way to discern a person's true character.)
19. Your friends love you anyway. (For which I'm very grateful).
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