Early morning, quite cool. According to the wise and wondrous weather website, the thermometer will scratch and claw and huff and puff its way up to 70 today. Maybe. The birds don't mind; they're singing their little hearts out.

The tomatoes would like a little sunshine, thank you, but are quite content to rest after their prodigious growth of the last few days in the warmth and sunlight. There may not be much in the way of sets, but there are bushy green leaves, a sprawl of stems, and gazillion (yes, I counted) little yellow flowers. Maybe this year there will actually be some tomatoes. Last year it was promises, only promises, then the blast of the Santa Ana winds' triple digit temperatures cooked the tomato plants at the roots.

Significant other is in a lot of pain this morning, enough so that he asked for a pain pill--a narcotic one. Very unusual for him. I gave him half. He's still in pain, but enjoying it now thankyouverymuch. Anybody know anything about Darvocet (I think that's what it is)? I took half of one myself years ago and promptly passed out. I wouldn't touch the stuff myself, but that prescription for him was all we had on hand. Tylenol wasn't doing a thing for him.

[short break while I got him into a chair, covered up with a light blanket, pillow under head, blanket tucked around feet and legs--he doesn't like to wear anything but a tee shirt]

I decided to stay home. There are financial things for which he is responsible and, although he doesn't want to admit it, he can't handle any more. It's sad to see such an intelligent person's mental abilities degrade. I'm going to write checks and sort papers (insurance, bills, etc.)

[note to friends: if you see me disintegrating physically and mentally, turning into a controlling, obstinate, helpless crazy person, please just shoot me]

So many of my friends of my generation and older have gone through this or are in the midst of similar situations, that it helps for us to meet and talk. I'm not the only one who is conflicted and angry. What you see in the movies of the dying beautiful heroine--lens slightly out of focus, gentle last breaths, perfect makeup--is only a myth.

In reality it's ugly, protracted and soul-sucking for the caregivers, especially when everyone else makes "tsk, tsk" sounds, "see it from the patient's point of view" and "how awful of you to feel that way." Yeah, well, I think, your time may come when you're in this situation and then see how you feel about it. Until you've walked in my shoes, don't judge me.

Anyway, onward into the fog and low clouds. Off to sort financial papers and do a little light housework. Have to check that SO is okay, too. Below is kitty picture of the day:


see more Lolcats and funny pictures