I have a little article on Mindfulness that I read over to encourage myself to be centered, grounded, and in the present moment.

The first item on the list is this: Upon awakening in the morning, stretch, become aware of your body and the new day dawning, sit on the edge of the bed and breathe deeply. Greet the day with reverence and gratitude.

Not possible. Sorry. My day starts with a jolt, when I am summoned out of a sound sleep by the cry of "Help!"

SO needs help turning over in bed, or getting out of bed, or off the toilet or more water in his bottle or clean dry sheets or...it's always something.

I used to love mornings with the birds cooing in the eaves and clouds tinged with pink and apricot, cool air and soft silence. I would ease into the day with a cup of coffee and a cat for company.

Now I dread mornings. Every morning. I try to tiptoe around, hoping he's still asleep, but most mornings I am summoned before I've even had a chance to open my eyes.

It helps to write about it here. If there weren't some way to clear my head, I think it would implode. At least now, instead of being angry, I'm just depressed. Morning used to be my special time, but no more. Ever.

It's almost always at night and early morning that he feels bad and needs help. I wish there were some way I could fix it.