I got a call yesterday from hubby's doctor. She confirmed that, yes, he is 100% disabled. They will apply for disability based on the Parkinson's. There are no guarantees that it will be approved, and it takes a year (or more) for the process to be completed.

I was relieved to have my perception confirmed. The other neuro specialist wrote an eval of him that described him as "moderately" impaired and his request for disability was turned down.

Moderately?? This man cannot turn over in bed, cannot sit up or stand up by himself, cannot bathe or dress himself, cannot walk farther than the kitchen table (when he can walk at all). They wouldn't take my word for it, but a stay of several days in the general medicine ward at the VA convinced them otherwise.

There's nothing like a bunch of aggravated, tired nurses who have had to tend to him night and day, every hour or so, to get the attention of the medicos! This time I was smart and stayed home, so that his disability was clearly evident and not covered up by my constant bedside care. Live and learn.

I'm turning over in my mind how to survive the next year. And I'm in denial over the question of "What if they deny his request?" I refuse to admit that is even a possibility--I've already had nightmares over it.

I was having trouble dealing with the cognitive dissonance between what I observed as the reality of his situation and the written report by the neuro doctor. I feel much better personally to have had it resolved. I was not imagining things.

I will NOT retire and become his full-time round the clock caregiver.