Had another session with doctor and N. yesterday after visiting dentist. Great timing, what?

The doctor made it clear that she was not advocating the sexist, man-is-the-pater familias viewpoint, but that she was expressing his views on his behalf, since he just sits there and grunts occasionally (perfect passive-aggressive). Then he complains that he never gets an opportunity to talk and everyone runs roughshod over him.

She wasn't going to let him get away with that. She kept saying, "This is what we talked about, wasn't it, N?" And he, avoiding all eye contact, would nod and grunt.

I have a tendency to keep talking to fill in the blanks and to try to express his point of view as well of my own. She told me to stop, ask a question and then wait for an answer.

We did that, and he would change the subject. "How do you feel about xxx?" was answered by something like, "The property I own needs to have trees planted in the back yard." More passive aggressive.

The doctor encouraged me to ask questions and keep returning the conversation to the main topic, no matter how much "chaff" was thrown up. And not to interpret him for himself, no matter what. He is highly skilled in this stuff (more than I); he can see and say for himself. And he knows what he's doing when he refuses and thereby tries to manipulate and control the conversation.

Some tools to put in my interpersonal skills toolbox.

Bottom line was that he will not come home without a caregiving structure in place (not me). Doctor reinforced that as being the bottom line.

I went home, had dinner, and slept like a rock (a dead person could take my correspondence course).