I'm not used to all this social interaction, coming home after work and working on the house, talking to my housemate as we work together on the house, right up until bedtime.

I was so tired last night, both mentally and physically, that pre-bedtime relaxation reading only lasted half an hour and I was out like the proverbial light. (The rain helped, too).

I'm so completely present ("on") to anyone with whom I'm interacting that it's exhausting, not energizing as some people find it. Obviously I'm not doing something right (probably a boundary issue)--and I need to take breaks.

N, for all that we lived together 20+ years, was not much of an interactive person. More like the dominant pater familias, unable to carry on what I consider a real conversation where an idea is batted back and forth, considered from different sides, the conversation taking it wherever.

With N, it's a topic raised and a pronouncement from him about The Ultimate Truth of the Matter. Or, alternatively, a series of questions (a real conversation stopper). He asks, I answer. He asks something else. I answer. He thought he was being considerate, making me talk, forcing me to make the decisions (so guess who got the blame for errors). He never did get the concept of conversation.

Even now, when we talk, it's a litany of complaints and suspicions from his side (some bearing no relationship to reality) and placating comments and suggestions for intervention or resolution from mine.

And he wonders why I don't like to visit him. It's ugly being completely present to someone who is in that mode.