"I don't think of you as fat," a coworker said. "You don't look fat to me at all."

"Thanks," I say, not sure what else I can say to someone who weighs probably 300 pounds, has diabetes, heart problems and sleep apnea.

I don't want to be fat. I woke up one day, as I floated up out of the miasma of my second marriage, and I just WAS fat. Not obese. Well, clinically, yes I am, at 160 on a muscular 5'2" frame that should hold about 130. I'm packing that 30 extra pounds that so many other folks in America seem to pack.

I don't sit around eating cupcakes or pounding soda. I eat good food, almost all of it wholesome. My current lifestyle is far less a contributor than the way I've lived up until the last two years. The problem started long ago, and crept up, ignoble and insidious. Unfortunately, or maybe not, I get to deal with it now, in real time.

Yeah, I can use the euphemisms that fat girls use: "Food is my friend." "I eat my feelings." But the truth is I just ate out of sadness and I didn't exercise. Taco Bell, KFC, and all the rest of those mainland food temptations are no longer available to me on a daily basis. I don't come home, get high and then grab three burritos, like I did with husband #2. (He doesn't do that anymore either, btw.)

Now I work out about 4 days a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. Sometimes I get in a funk or out of sync with the schedule necessary to maintain the weekly routine of wake-workout-shower-dress-eat-pack lunch-go to work. Sometimes I choose a booty call across the water instead of a workout. Sometimes when that happens I just work out in the afternoon.

Am I closer to living the kind of life I want to live? Hell yes. I lost 2 pants sizes last winter, and I've maintained that (the tits remain a stubborn 36DD, hmmm). I just bought a pair of shorts in a size 12. Yes indeed. The Cajun is probably lucky to have met me as I have, as he put it, "found my stride" in the bedroom (and everywhere else, if I have my way, hee hee). I've got my great apartment, my motorcycle, and lots of plans for summer.

I'm on my way. I'll get there. And damn it, I'll enjoy it as I go.