Awake at 3:30am with discomfort in my hip and a brain full of chatter. It's funny how some nights I can fall asleep and wake up only to pee, and other nights my brain won't shut up.

Tonight's wakefulness started with a pee, as so many of these times do. Then my brain, without my permission, started thinking about my job: New kid starts this week. Another new kid starts next week. Meeting in the morning. But if you said we have to do things this way, Boss, and now you are saying something contradictory, I don't know how to proceed. We can select anything at our disposal if it is curriculum that will fit the kid, or, no you can't just decide to "adopt" curriculum. Which is it? Any wonder I'm paralyzed when the messages are so mixed? Okay, how to I go forward? What's *my* plan to do what the kids need? What does that look like? What is the line between doing what they need and doing what, on paper, looks like I'm compliant with the law, our district procedures, and common fucking sense?

Oooh, that brain. Sometimes it's a traitor, sometimes a best friend. In a way, in this moment, it seems to be both.

I just wish it could work out its issues during daylight hours. Maybe the ibuprofen and warm milk with honey will lull it into a false sense of calm. There, there, little brain, sleepy-byes now. Even if things won't seem clearer in the morning, I need right now for you to believe they will.