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Elsa's rebuttal
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WARNING: ANGRY CONTENT. Bear with me. This blog entry is in lieu of what I can't unload to the person I'm pissed at, because to do so would be to further engage in his crap. I'll just get it out here. Run away if you don't want to deal with my rant. I won't be offended. Actually, I won't even know.
I moved my blog because of one inflammatory asshole. I went out with This Guy about five times, doing friend things - hiking, out for sushi, talking, whatever. No sex, no real mention of sex, until last weekend, and he brought it up. In fact, I was very clear about wanting to be friends. I never ONCE sent a different message about what I was looking for.
So I got home from a weekend of motorcycle riding, TG called me, or maybe I called him. We had said we'd be in touch that weekend. He let fly with more anger than I have ever had directed at me from someone I essentially didn't know. Yes, when I was a child my dad had a few choice words, but he mostly spanked and called it done. TG had gone on the internet, found my former blog, and decided that I had utterly misrepresented myself to him. He was incensed. He kept saying, “God damn it, God DAMN IT!” like a ribald Rumplestiltskin. Clearly, another woman had slipped through his fingers.
TG said my blog showed that I was nothing like the person he had met, and that if he'd done his homework and researched me in the first place (holy hell, we research people now?), he would have read my blog and said, "see ya honey, have a nice life". He told me he was a great catch, that I clearly had no idea what I wanted in life, and until I did, I’d be sick, sad, and sorry. And someone who would say that is clearly healthy, happy and contented. Really?
Dating, despite what it may look like, is not a market. What you see initially is only part of what a person is. It takes more than 5 dates or activities to know everything about a person. Some lucky people spend a lifetime getting to know new things about their partners, and are richer for it.
Point #1: If you believe that you can simply order up a person who is everything you need and that’s that, you’re more naïve than anyone should be who is internet dating. Or dating, period. It takes more than five afternoons to know everything a person is.
This Guy is a scared, anxious and angry person who spends a lot of his conversational time talking about how smart he is and how he has had to prove himself over and over, about how you don’t need a degree, but he put himself through school, and on and on. The stories always end with him showing how he was right in the face of the naysayers, the parents, the establishment. I understand after being the one who always steps up to take care of things, he probably needs a little affection directed his way. But you don't meet someone and go out five times platonically and then decide THEY have betrayed YOU because you simply DON'T KNOW THEM YET.
Point #2: You don’t get to be angry because the person you invented isn’t the same as the real person.
He said I lied about money, because I had accepted his offer to pay for gas on a hiking trip and then I bought motorcycle boots. His words were something to the effect that I had given him a “sob story” and then went out and spent money on bike trips and clothes. My recollection was that he said, “If it’s the gas money that’s keeping you from going hiking, don’t worry about it, I have it covered and it’s no problem.” He went into a rant about consumerist society and my being a duped sheep. (I had a schizophrenic boyfriend once. This was beginning to sound way too familiar.) Like I owed him an explanation of my finances. Like my giving him a ferry ticket, or my driving to meet him in his town fifty miles away, or my bringing the food for our hike were worth nothing. Like he hadn’t recently bought a wood chipper or bicycle parts or chemicals for his hot tub.
Hence comes point #3: Life is not a frolic through the Land of Chartered Accountancy (“sailing on the great Accountan-Sea”, I hear Monty Python singing). Don’t offer to pay if you can’t or don’t want to. Don’t always expect repayment in kind. You might get something back that was better than what you gave.
He called me "loose" because he disagrees with the "friends with benefits" concept. (“Tough titty,” said the kitty, when the milk ran dry.) He blamed the men in my life for perpetrating an unfairness upon me. I was quick to remind him that I am an adult, a woman, and aware of the implications and consequences of my actions. Apparently, having one sex partner at a time is “loose”. (I guess that explains some comments I got after high school.) He went on to castigate people who are “unsafe” (includes anyone who isn’t sleeping with him and only him, I imagine), and to moralize about how many people are stupid enough to get STDs. Wow, ever heard of innocence? Ever heard of being victimized? Of accidents, despite every attempt at caution? There are a lot of ways people wind up in circumstances they never imagined themselves in, and it’s not always their fault. You’d think he’d know that after nursing family members through their illnesses and eventual early deaths. Are you morally bankrupt, Guy, because Life swooped in and you had to be a caregiver? Couldn’t you and your superior morality have found a way to dodge that character-building circumstance?
Point #4: If you’re going to date this guy, better never have made a mistake, and better make damn sure you’re not ever going to make another one (those familiar with my father’s life philosophy will see an eerie parallel there).
I can’t exactly remember the circumstances under which This Guy called me a hypocrite. I think it had something to do with him wondering if my Current Friend With Benefits has any idea about the life I’m living. Whatever that life is. Well, yes, indeed, and that man reads this blog. However, CFWB does not go bat-shit insane over what I write or do or think or say. “Does he know you blah-blah-blah?” Stick your blah-blah-blah where the sun doesn’t shine, Guy. Get off your moral high horse.
Point #5: People who haven’t had sex in a really long time and who perceive themselves to be morally above the rest of us probably aren’t going to be getting sex very soon, if at all.
After he vomited his vitriol on me, This Guy said, “I feel better”. Yeah, I guess you would, because life is all rosy for you now, you self-satisfied, stuck-up little fucker. You got to rehearse each and every way you would belittle, accuse, upset, and indict me. I had no way to respond, except to say that you had misperceived me and had no right to expect to know me in five easy steps.
But, having written this, I really feel better.
I moved my blog because of one inflammatory asshole. I went out with This Guy about five times, doing friend things - hiking, out for sushi, talking, whatever. No sex, no real mention of sex, until last weekend, and he brought it up. In fact, I was very clear about wanting to be friends. I never ONCE sent a different message about what I was looking for.
So I got home from a weekend of motorcycle riding, TG called me, or maybe I called him. We had said we'd be in touch that weekend. He let fly with more anger than I have ever had directed at me from someone I essentially didn't know. Yes, when I was a child my dad had a few choice words, but he mostly spanked and called it done. TG had gone on the internet, found my former blog, and decided that I had utterly misrepresented myself to him. He was incensed. He kept saying, “God damn it, God DAMN IT!” like a ribald Rumplestiltskin. Clearly, another woman had slipped through his fingers.
TG said my blog showed that I was nothing like the person he had met, and that if he'd done his homework and researched me in the first place (holy hell, we research people now?), he would have read my blog and said, "see ya honey, have a nice life". He told me he was a great catch, that I clearly had no idea what I wanted in life, and until I did, I’d be sick, sad, and sorry. And someone who would say that is clearly healthy, happy and contented. Really?
Dating, despite what it may look like, is not a market. What you see initially is only part of what a person is. It takes more than 5 dates or activities to know everything about a person. Some lucky people spend a lifetime getting to know new things about their partners, and are richer for it.
Point #1: If you believe that you can simply order up a person who is everything you need and that’s that, you’re more naïve than anyone should be who is internet dating. Or dating, period. It takes more than five afternoons to know everything a person is.
This Guy is a scared, anxious and angry person who spends a lot of his conversational time talking about how smart he is and how he has had to prove himself over and over, about how you don’t need a degree, but he put himself through school, and on and on. The stories always end with him showing how he was right in the face of the naysayers, the parents, the establishment. I understand after being the one who always steps up to take care of things, he probably needs a little affection directed his way. But you don't meet someone and go out five times platonically and then decide THEY have betrayed YOU because you simply DON'T KNOW THEM YET.
Point #2: You don’t get to be angry because the person you invented isn’t the same as the real person.
He said I lied about money, because I had accepted his offer to pay for gas on a hiking trip and then I bought motorcycle boots. His words were something to the effect that I had given him a “sob story” and then went out and spent money on bike trips and clothes. My recollection was that he said, “If it’s the gas money that’s keeping you from going hiking, don’t worry about it, I have it covered and it’s no problem.” He went into a rant about consumerist society and my being a duped sheep. (I had a schizophrenic boyfriend once. This was beginning to sound way too familiar.) Like I owed him an explanation of my finances. Like my giving him a ferry ticket, or my driving to meet him in his town fifty miles away, or my bringing the food for our hike were worth nothing. Like he hadn’t recently bought a wood chipper or bicycle parts or chemicals for his hot tub.
Hence comes point #3: Life is not a frolic through the Land of Chartered Accountancy (“sailing on the great Accountan-Sea”, I hear Monty Python singing). Don’t offer to pay if you can’t or don’t want to. Don’t always expect repayment in kind. You might get something back that was better than what you gave.
He called me "loose" because he disagrees with the "friends with benefits" concept. (“Tough titty,” said the kitty, when the milk ran dry.) He blamed the men in my life for perpetrating an unfairness upon me. I was quick to remind him that I am an adult, a woman, and aware of the implications and consequences of my actions. Apparently, having one sex partner at a time is “loose”. (I guess that explains some comments I got after high school.) He went on to castigate people who are “unsafe” (includes anyone who isn’t sleeping with him and only him, I imagine), and to moralize about how many people are stupid enough to get STDs. Wow, ever heard of innocence? Ever heard of being victimized? Of accidents, despite every attempt at caution? There are a lot of ways people wind up in circumstances they never imagined themselves in, and it’s not always their fault. You’d think he’d know that after nursing family members through their illnesses and eventual early deaths. Are you morally bankrupt, Guy, because Life swooped in and you had to be a caregiver? Couldn’t you and your superior morality have found a way to dodge that character-building circumstance?
Point #4: If you’re going to date this guy, better never have made a mistake, and better make damn sure you’re not ever going to make another one (those familiar with my father’s life philosophy will see an eerie parallel there).
I can’t exactly remember the circumstances under which This Guy called me a hypocrite. I think it had something to do with him wondering if my Current Friend With Benefits has any idea about the life I’m living. Whatever that life is. Well, yes, indeed, and that man reads this blog. However, CFWB does not go bat-shit insane over what I write or do or think or say. “Does he know you blah-blah-blah?” Stick your blah-blah-blah where the sun doesn’t shine, Guy. Get off your moral high horse.
Point #5: People who haven’t had sex in a really long time and who perceive themselves to be morally above the rest of us probably aren’t going to be getting sex very soon, if at all.
After he vomited his vitriol on me, This Guy said, “I feel better”. Yeah, I guess you would, because life is all rosy for you now, you self-satisfied, stuck-up little fucker. You got to rehearse each and every way you would belittle, accuse, upset, and indict me. I had no way to respond, except to say that you had misperceived me and had no right to expect to know me in five easy steps.
But, having written this, I really feel better.
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