I was right. Mark was right. All of the other tenants of this building were right.

I have been so diplomatic with my landlady for the entire 14 months I've lived here. My rent had always been exactly on time. I let her in my apartment with guests, even without advanced notice. I have never said no to her. I am so accommodating.

While talking to the lovely Mark the other day, he mentioned that she thinks I'm decent, and that he had noticed that I treated her with much more patience than other folks who live here. I let him know that I realize I might be storing up karma points, but I also know that I'm not making any points with her.

Other tenants had told me their horror stories, which I didn't disbelieve. I just wanted my own experience before I turned off the charm.

Well, honey, consider the charm to be on permanent holiday. I'm the Charm Nazi. No charm for you!

Here's how it went down.

I called my landlady in December letting her know that January's rent would be late, due to the schedule of disbursement for the funds I'm currently using for living expenses. She said she wasn't a bank, but this one time it would be all right, and please next time include the late fee.

Tonight she called to say it's the 8th and she hadn't gotten the check and this was just "not working" for her. I reminded her that she had said it was okay this time, but to include late fees next time. Then, she actually said that I was jeopardizing my ability to rent from her.

Was that a threat? Excuse me?

I am not going to "bring the hammer down". I'm not going to send the very articulate, very pointed letter that I've written six times in my head since she called. I will not unleash my formidable vocabulary and superior logic on her.

I called her right back after I talked to my bank. This was about 7 minutes after she called me. I canceled the payment on the original check, and offered to drive a check to her house tonight. She didn't answer her phone. I called again. No answer.

Fine. I offered. More pernicious than a knid, that one.

The gloves are off. No more Ms. Nice Guy. But I'll be polite. My mama taught me manners.