And it was, "Should I stay or should I go?"

Okay, I'm just about ready to go AWOL. Well, not AWOL, but ditch early. I'm having a lot of pain, and though I can bear it, I don't want to.

My back is of course the constant. Now, in addition to that, my knee and my wrist are sore. I can understand the wrist, but the knee? Why does a knee go on a tangent all of a sudden?

And yes, I will admit to being done with the whole scene up here. I can still see the good of the place; there will always be good memories if only because of the many times I've visited and the many significant events. I said "I love you" to my best friend here. I discovered my limits here. I faced some challenges and did some paperwork and nursed my wounds here.

I'm trying to be all Buddhist about it: Things don't change. I can't change them. Most of what goes on is not my responsibility. I am responsible for what I do, not what people think of me. I accept that fucked-up things are fucked up.

Did I mention that things don't change?

Like a number of my colleagues have noted, it would be easier to detach from the BS if I didn't live on site. Given the knowledge I've collected here, I wouldn't do it again. Living and working in the same place have dampened almost entirely my thoughts of working on a cruise ship or at a resort. The little "family" that develops is too dysfunctional for anyone to work in the situation for too long. That's most of why seasonal work has such a high turnover. That, and the fact that bending over for every tourist's whim is damn near suffocating. You just can't pretend for very long that the ridiculous, wasteful, immature, petulant, spoiled, rich, entitled tourist is someone who deserves your catering.

I could conceivably leave, though I'd dip into the last reserve of last reserves to do so.

The real question is whether my body is just hurt or heading toward permanent injury, and should I leave before it's really bad. I know I can limp my way through thirteen more work days.

I guess the answer is "stay". I can deal with that.