My son keeps an online journal, http://www.journalscape.com/tim. That was one of the reasons I started mine, so that he and his lovely Heather can read about my life and thoughts. I read his this morning only to find sad news, their car was stolen from in front of their home. Tim was accosted by a man with a gun not to long ago and now this. Scary stuff happening out west. I have the normal mother worry issues going on inside my head at the moment.
I always try and give people the benefit of doubt, maybe the person who cuts me off in traffic is rushing home to a sick child; maybe the person who was rude to me in the store has some bad event happen. I think maybe that’s just my way of not becoming some bitter, cold assed woman. It’s easy to do, sometimes I look back over my life at the injustices and crimes and think, why the hell bother, ya know? I try and convince myself there is good in everyone, if you work hard you will succeed, yada, yada, yada. The older I get, the more all that seems like crap. I have to just face up to the fact that the world is now and most likely always has been, survival of fittest, eat your offspring kinda world.
There is evil in the world, sometimes there is no good. And when faced with evil, what do we do? Become indignant? There really isn’t much more we can do.
Someone my age, trying to remain naïve about the world and it’s workings? Most people have their own agendas, some hide behind charity work, it results in public acknowledgement and that has its own rewards.
I’ve been a public servant for a long time, and I did really start doing this because I truly wanted to help people. Yes, I was innocent and soon discovered no one does things out of pure selflessness. Not even me. I have managed to go of on a tangent. I’m pissed that this has happened to my son and his family. I’m pissed because they are good, honest hardworking people and someone hurt them. I’m pissed because whoever did this is selfish and evil. I’m pissed because my son and Heather have to go through feeling violated and unsafe in their own neighborhood.
The violated feeling lasts a long time, I’m not sure anyone ever gets over being a victim of a crime. I know it was “only” their car and they weren’t hurt. Yes, I acknowledge the fact it could have been much worse, and I thank God it was not.
When Tim was young, I came home from work to discover our home had been broken into, along with my neighbors. The man they eventually caught was a vagrant who had worked for the traveling county fair. He had either been fired or quit and was hanging out in our neighborhood. I think he broke into an empty house on our street and had been living there. He pried open the window in Tim’s room and entered the house. He ransacked all the bedrooms and stole money. He broke the kids’ banks and took their money. He stole a box of old coins in my closet and generally made a mess of everything. He didn’t take anything else, only money. It could have been worse. He was eventually caught, the money long gone. I don’t know what became of him. And I really don’t care.
I hate that this has happened to my son. I hate that he loses part of his innocence. I hate that they have to go through the depression and anxiety because of this random act. I want him home where I can protect him and reassure him. I don’t want him to feel this pain. I, like any other mother, want to protect my family from hurt.