the methods and means of procrastination

Too much of a good thing.
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Worried to Contemplative
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So I got my wish. The east/west apartment is beyond what I had hoped. It is beautifully refubrished (as opposed to remodeled) 1925, 4 family dwelling, about 10 minutes from my job, 25 minutes from guru's school, and 10 minutes from everything else. It's in our price range (if you take my more "wishful" budget), it is 2 blocks from a mountaintop park (4 miles to complete a cycle of the park), in a residential neighborhood and it has all new kitchen appliances. The landlords seem 1)nice, 2)organized, and 3)capable. Something we have not always had in our landlords. They're even willing to let us have pets if we so desire.
I've had a chance to talk with our friends/landlords where we currently live and they are being more than flexible. They may even come up to do some work on our house from VA, if we leave just after the new year.

As you can see, I am psyched. The place is gorgous and gives me the feeling of possibility. I've been looking at places as 1)comfortable, 2)esthetically pleasing, 3)someplace I could take my folks and paul's folks 4)close to everything. This place gives the additional feeling that we could have a "real" house, with real furniture, and a real life. We could stop living out of cardboard boxes with used furntiure. We could actually entertain elegently, and impress people. Basically, we could have a house anyone would be happy to stay in.


The down side is it is smaller (by about a room) then what we have now, it has a rotwieler living next door, and it is on top of a hill, so driving will be crappy in winter. Other issues to be addressed include getting laundry appliances on site and getting rid of our current stove and dishwasher. I'm hoping we can offset the cost of A) with B). Other than just the negative feeling surrounding moving, it looks very promising.

I am curious what happened to my need to leave. I was all set to get out of Pittburgh, but now I'm making plans that will keep us in town for 1-2 years, at the minimum. Does this make us complacent? Am I settling? I feel sometimes I'm on the garden path, in that I'm becoming a resident of Pittsburgh inch by inch. Big questions like: "Do I want to raise my kids here? Pay off my student loans here?" keep screaming in the closet where I locked them up. Is greed getting the better of me?

hrm. . .

I've been leaning on the analytical side of me recently and neglecting the artistic. This means I am currently seeing school as something to finish, not as something to springboard off of. Watch. I start drawing I'll start trying to grasp the stars again.

My great hope is I will continue to work, but do freelance work in the evenings, we will continue to strengthen our friendships in Pittsburgh, and become active in hobbies that we can't have out here in nowhere. In short, we can start saying "yes" to friends instead of, "maybe, if I am not to tired to drive home."

We've been here for 5 years. Longer than college (MI), longer than high school (KY). All of that history is on the cusp of being eclipsed by our present day. To me, that just seems...unfathomable. So much of that time solidifed who I am today, and to have it overshadowed by perogies and french fry salads... it just seems this time in Pittsburgh has been gentler in it's erosive elements than other places I've lived. I don't notice the change, but then we are no longer who we were 5 years ago. I sometimes wonder if we have lost our edge. Guru is not the martyr he wished for, I am not the innovator. Is this because those were unrealistic dreams or because we chose paths that brought us back to the center, away from the edge?

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