In a perfect world, things would happen like this:

I could direct my nervous energy towards useful projects like cleaning. Instead I find myself trying to mow the wood floor.

The house now has a faint scent of electronic gadget it did not have before. The sun is coming up over the rise to our east. The front stoop is chilly but the robins are hopping around in the front yard. There is an occasional squack from the trees. There are teenagers shuffling to school. The light and temperture match that of Rome in winter. It could easily be october.

So I have apparently flipped out. I realize this when I'm wide awake at 6:30 in the morning with the fading dream still in mind (Something about a committee meeting) and worrying that I forgot to open a small business account. I know I get like this, but it is always kind of a surprise. Just wake up one day on the ledge. Wondering what I've been up to. I say I will take time off to regroup -- but then I stumble on to the next project. Doing more absurd things in more absurd ways. Unable to stop the momentum, unable to stand the anxiety.

I'm going to attempt to curb the falling forward this weekend. Part of it is diet, part of it is general antisocialness, but mostly it is getting shit done. That is what it all comes down to. I have too many things left undone and its put me out of sorts. Too much up in the air. I'm going to start pulling shit down. This is where we all hope mightily that I don't accidently grab the walls and pull them down around my head.

So these are the wacky bits I've been up to:

• For the first time in my life I have cable. Like massively huge cable. Like 700 channels of ungodly information streaming into my living room. Five dollars more they said. What a bargin. I am a-twitter.


• I made chocolate chip cookies and I have plans to make things with eggs this weekend - namely quiche lorrane, a jelly roll for the guru's birthday, and a batch of chocolate crinkles. You know you are in trouble when I have a theme ingredient. Though I don't think the food will solve anything, there is something very comforting of just making things. I will probably throw bread in there too. Its just so theaputic. I just must remember to push the bake goods out the door as fast as possible or into the freezer.
  


• I've scheduled projects back to back to back for the next 2 weeks based on the reasoning that "If I work hard enough" I will develop super powers.

And these are some of the things I've been nailing down, once I realized I was out of control:

• I spec'd out my mac so whenever I get the paperwork back saying I'm incorporated, I know what I will be buying. Come on paperwork!
  


• I am going to find a chiropractor today or tomorrow and set up my first appointment. Time to stop the back pain.


• I may (may mind you) go to the Y and hit a few raquetballs around a court on Sat. I would do it tonight but I don't know what the birthday boy wants to do.


• I'm getting back on program. I went off when visiting the folks but I think the junk food at midnight is inhibiting my judgement.

And I'm going to try and destress. Promise. Some.

But if I don't manage this and I find myself up at 2:30 in the morning cleaning the fish tank, I will try to roll with it. It's time to stop setting up the next hurdle.