Should you ever read this, I'm sorry.

Never should have said what I said, because it did sound like fuck. 2 sleepless night, lying in my bed, guilt-ridden. For being stupid and insensitive, saying things that would hurt, regardless of what I intended it to be. If you would hear me speak, it is that I really really sincerely never pointed the finger at you, nor anyone else for that matter. If anything, I gave away the first run, who am I to even say anything.

4 years in CHS, I learnt that there's more to life than just winning or losing. I didn't just bring away the stuff from the textbook when I left there, I brought the wise words from all the teachers, and more importantly, I brought the memory of my friends. No point keeping names unmentioned here, cause this cryptic language is pretty much pointless anyway. Deh, we both know that our friendship, or what's left of it, has pretty much diluted over the past 2 years. I could think of countless of possibilities as to why it happened, but I could never figure out why, really. But trust me when I say, and this you can confirm, that I've never faulted you for the diluting friendship. It was always, "I guess it's because we just never really talked about it" or "I suppose it'd be awkward if we did talk about it" but it was never your fault. And to me, at the very least, this friendship is worth a lot more than that game we threw. Why am I saying this? Because my point is, if I never alleged the fault to anyone in something I value so much, I would never ever ever, I swear on my life, put the blame on you, or anyone else for that matter.

In life, many of us make mistakes that we regret, and I've never regretted this as much. Hopefully, someday this gets to you, and by then, you'd have forgiven. I'm sorry. As for the team: guys I don't know how to look you guys in the eye, saying stuff like this. I know that I am proving nothing when I say I don't mean it that way, and that my stance was always that we threw the game, but I just want you guys to know that I never felt anyone of us was more responsible for the game than another. The aftermath of the game, what's off the pitch, is my fault. For what it's still worth, if you could bring it in you to have a little faith in who I am, I still think it was a team thing, just as I always had. I'm sorry guys, especially Hai Wei who had helped me through the toughest ride during my time in softball. I understand the meaning of team, and I would never ever do something to jeopardise what I had with you peeps. For this, I ask for all of your forgiveness. Sorry.