There comes a certain time when life goes flat. Your voice goes flat, your face goes flat, your eyes go flat.

That's when you realize that expression is wasted effort.

Today was like that. I could go into a self-justifying rationalization, but I won't. I was busy, I was tired, and I was very sharp at SpouseKitty for something that was neither of our faults.

Let's turn the calendar back a quarter century. I've a friend from that far back. He's happily married, and has two kids, one of them a year older than Kitten, so they're fast friends. Or at least Kitten is... my friend's kid has the good grace to be polite and interactive, but their interests and styles of play really don't overlap well.

That's not the issue (well, it is one of the background one, that Kitten doesn't know how to interact with children her age, but it's not the primary issue.) The issue is that my friend and his family, for all the abounding goodness in their hearts, are chronically disorganized.

That's hardly a capital offence. So they're always 15-30 minutes late. So they change plans at the last minute, or call to see if Clan Kitty is free day of. That's how he always was, and I'm glad he found someone who is much like him. They are mellow and happy people, and I wish the Kitty Family (snap, snap) had what they had.

But instead, SpouseKitty is far more organized and orderly. This isn't normally a rub, but this day it was. The phone conversation went something like this:

SK: Can you call them and see which day next weekend they're planning to visit?

Me: Why don't you call them?

SK: He's your friend.

Me: Yes, but every time we get the families together, you always end up scheduling with his wife.

SK: Still, can you call him?

I don't know why. I can't explain it. I won't rationalize it or make myself look either wounded or saintly. I just lost it. I agreed, but made it clear in my voice that I was Not Pleased.

Of course, SpouseKitty's reply was also Not Pleased.

Good thing we were apart. SK was with the in-laws, and I was at home trying to juggle laundry, dishes and cleaning the kitchen. We rang off, and I went flat.

I don't know why (again.) I can't explain it (again.) I'm just tired, and I see no reason to put up a front of being human. Since then, my voice has been soft, strained and ... flat. Emotionless and fatigued.

It's not like I've no sense of humour. We're dressing to go out to dinner (again, with the in-laws) and I deliberately put on a Halloween costume to bring levity. But in my heart, I'm still deflated.

No, not suicidal. I'm not contemplating The End, or Life Without Me, or any of the other alternatives to life in Chez Kitty as it is. I'm just not sure there's any point to putting more than I am -- thoughts, opinion and advice, but no emotional investment. Emotional investment seems just a path to getting hurt.

Oh, and my friend from high school? He was out. I left a message.