I'm writing this on 2 January, but wanted to backfill the calendar so I can hopefully fill an entry a day. The last paragraph is a survey question, and I implore every reader to respond to it in a comment. Please, I'm begging.

These are random thoughts at work, so don't expect any cohesive theme or transitions between items.

Kitten had a meltdown on New Year's Day over doing homework. She's also enduring a particularly painful period, so I can understand her being a little tempermental, but cannot allow her to justify an infant's temper tantrum at age 11.

SpouseKitty fell back to her litany of "she can't be allowed to think that, just because she doesn't feel like it, she doesn't have to do it." SK doesn't see that there's a spectrum between "Okay, you feel crummy, you're excused from it," and "Just because..."

SpouseKitty also can't seem to understand when a person is so upset she is no longer receptive to any sort of higher-order communication. She doesn't see that the first goal is to calm the person down so she can hear out and allow in the more complex concepts necessary to the situation.

SpouseKitty doesn't realize when even she is at that point, and, like anyone else when something so prima facie is pointed out to her, will deny it in a tone and stance that only reinforces the belief.

SK doesn't realize the cost of "getting the last word" on the psychological and interpersonal levels. She may well be correct in reasoning (rationalizing?) that "NTs (neurotypicals) do it all the time, and it's not fair of you to expect me to speak 'Aspie' all the time." Firstly, I highly doubt more mature NTs try to get the last word, especially when they have already gotten their way with the point of the argument. Secondly, I put on a much more NT-ish face in public. If I can't be (the best sustainable part of) me at home, then where can I be me.

I mustn't lose sight of the point of a dispute. In that I am an Aspie, this is not as big a danger, but I easily lose sight of the scope, the worth of the point of contention. If or not to send something back after it's been washed for a measly $40 is not worth getting all wrought up.

Then again, this bodes poorly for the New Year to have back-to-back days with very hurtful arguments. From the depths of my heart, I feel lifeless, flat and crushed. It may be that this has surmounted what defenses I had against the depression associated with my mother's passing, or these obvious and deep failures to communicate are, in themselves, solely responsible for the hopelessness I now feel regarding my marriage. I don't know, and, from where I sit, I don't care.

I've once said a good relationship can't be evaluated while it is ongoing, especially by either party participating in it. Only after it is completed (or transitioned to another state) can it be evaluated. Did it help more than it hurt? Was there more love than need? Is the pain of it ending worth they sum of the joy it bought, as evaluated much later when unbiased recall is possible.

My relationship with Kitten is one of joy. I've learned to hug her and treasure her. My relationship with SK is one of need - she needs my medical insurance and income, and I need her stabilizing influence and all the efforts she invests in Kitten. (The home upkeep and cleaning is largely my responsibility, sadly.) I feel my relationship with SK is a codependent one, which worries me greatly.

Lastly, and I urge everyone, friend or friend-to-be, reading this to respond as it is the bone of contention for this mornings fireworks, is it acceptable to return a set of covers for a recliner after they have been washed?