Half-inched from Haddayr:

1. In five words or less, describe what you do for a living. (Don't be cute.)

I'm cute for a living.

2. If you were worth $40 billion and had already bought and donated everything you wanted to, would you spend $40 million on a beautiful Van Gogh painting?

Probably not. I like Van Gogh fine, but, eh, I'd rather drop a windfall like that on a living artist. Then again, if I had $40 billion, I'd buy any damn thing it came into my head to buy.

3. Would you spend $40 million on a 200-foot yacht?

I doubt it. I'd buy a zeppelin though.

4. How many times have you been engaged to be married?

Just once.

5. Did you have a steady boyfriend or girlfriend in high school?

For part of high school, yeah.

THREE MARX BROTHERS-THEMED QUESTIONS:

6. Have you ever had a day at the races?

What kind of races? Horse races? Nope. Go-cart races? Indeed.

7. Have you ever had a night at the opera?

Nope.

8. Have you ever eaten duck soup?

I may well have eaten soup containing duck at some point, but I'm not sure.

9. If you accomplish something major that you're proud of, and nobody gives you any credit for it, does that bother you?

Sure. I love being told how great I am.

10. Of all the things that your "dream house" will have (which your current place of residence does not), what are the three most important?

A secluded inner courtyard. Lots of skylights. A library with great chairs.

11. Who is the most famous person you've ever met? ("Met" = at least exchanged two words with face-to-face, preferably shook hands with)

Um, Neil Gaiman? (I run in writerly circles, so I only meet people who are writer-famous, not famous-famous.)

12. Have you ever seen a U.S. President in person? (You didn't have to meet him)

No, but I saw Ralph Nader once. The guy does his best.

13. If you go to a favorite restaurant, do you always order the same dish or do you mix it up a bit?

Depends on my mood. I tend to sample various things, then settle on a favorite and order it often.

14. When was the last time either of your parents saw you naked?

Oh, not since I was rather young, I think.

15. What town did you grow up in? What was the best thing about it? The worst thing?

Dudley, North Carolina. The best thing about it was... it was not actually on fire most of the time? I was never mauled by a bear there? Okay, seriously, there were some nice woods to wander in. The worst thing about it was the crushing boredom engendered by a lack of culture.

16. What town do you live in now? What was the best thing about it? The worst thing?

Oakland, California. The worst thing is the crime (our car's been stolen, I've had guns pulled on me a couple of times, etc.), but it's not like I'm afraid to walk down my street or anything. The best thing is all the great restaurants, the lake, the bookstores, the proximity to nature and culture both, combined with relatively cheap rent... actually there are tons of great things.

17. When you Google your name, in quotes, how many results do you get?

79,900. They're not all me.

18. What's your astrological sign, and do you think your personality is typical of that sign's supposed traits?

Sagittarius. I have no idea what the traits of a Sagittarian are. But at a guess: I'm not a centaur and I don't shoot a bow and arrow.

19. What household items do you have more of than you need?

Are "books" a household item?

20. Name something you ate all the time as a kid that you wouldn't touch now.

Jell-o. And dirt, I guess. I probably ate dirt.