Holy Heck little campers, it's that time of year again! That's right, spring is in the air and the town is beginning to fill up. That means the idiot population is on the rise.
What does that mean, you ask? Well I'm about to tell you, my little padawan!
Now mind you, most of the question I am about to address deal with retail, and more specifically our surf shop in Ocean City, MD. Some of these questions wouldn't make sense anywhere else.
I understand that not everyone that walks into the store has been in a surf shop, knows all there is to know about surfing, or that they have ever been to Ocean City before. That's not the issue. My problem is that people just don't use common sense, or their brains for that matter, before they ask us a question. I am about to share some of the little gems that we are asked on a regular basis. Enjoy!

1.) "Are you open?"
In itself, not a strange or stupid question, right? Wrong!! If I am answering the phone in the middle of the day, more than likely we are open. A good question to ask would be "I was wondering what your hours are?", or, even better, "I was just calling to make sure you were open". I know that there are some businesses in our little resort town that close down for a portion of the winter, or certain days. But if someone answers the phone on a Saturday afternoon, couldn't you deduce that we are open? Yes, you could.
I had someone call today to ask if we are open on Friday. Huh? Why wouldn't we be? Oh, right. It's Good Friday. Now when was the last time you heard of a business closing on Good Friday? I never have! I wouldnta thunk nuttin of it if he asked about Easter sunday. See where I'm going with this?

2.) "Do you have/know the other store's phone number?"
You're kidding, right? If both stores are operated together, as one entity, isn't it safe to assume I would know that number, or at least have it written down somewhere in the store that I am standing in? But, then again, they say that when you assume anything you make an "ass out of u and me"!

3.) "What size would/does my son/daughter wear?"
How in the hell should I know? You're the freakin parent! I'm not a damn sidekick (inside joke; I really mean psychic)! If you tell me how much he/she weighs and how tall he/she is, I can MAYBE figure it out, especially with a wetsuit, but other than that, you got me! That's when I feel like saying, "No, I don't. What size does he/she wear?". And best of all, people actually ask me what size their ten year old grandson living in Florida would wear. Are they on crack?

Now we're gettin to the good stuff!
4.) "Which way is the ocean"
I stop, I stare, I close my mouth, then proceed to direct them east. To anyone not familiar with Ocean City, MD, we are an 'on the ocean' resort town. There are only three ways to get into said town. There is only one main road through the town. The town is only eight and a half miles long (many say 10, but they are incorrect), and at its widest point maybe 3/4 - 1 mile wide. There are 144 streets (ok, I know there are a few more in between and below first but, for arguments sake, this is what we're sticking with). You either enter through Delaware from the north (Ocean City ends at 144th St. and Delaware begins), the Rte. 90 bridge at 62nd St., or the Rte. 50 bridge directly south of 1st St. We are at the end of the continent. You know what direction you entered the town from and, obviously, the ocean was not back thatta way, SO. . .

And my favorite question:
5.) "How do you get to your store?"
Again, you're probably asking why this is such a strange question; we've all asked how to get someplace before, right? Like I said above, there are approximately 144 SEQUENTIALLY numbered streets, south to north. If you call and tell me you are on 124th St. and you see that our store is on 54th St. and you would like directions, I would like to smack you. What else do you need to know? You go to 123rd St., then to 122nd St., then down to 121st St., and so on, and so on until you get to 54th St. Apparently basic math skills elude many of our town's fair visitors.

There are many, many more, but enough about me!

I want to know stupid questions that people, in other lines of work, get asked.