It's kind of funny to see what the world might look like if you weren't in it. Except when you see people are happier without you. That when you disappear, so do a lot of problems. I don't want to make people unhappy anymore. I don't want to be unhappy anymore. I don't want to start fights so someone will pay attention to me. I don't want to cause anymore trouble.

You know that old cliche about how bad kids really just get into trouble because they want someone to notice them?

*raises hand*

I think it's quite possible that I am still doing this. I think it is partially subconcious, but I am. Somehow I create trauma in my life so that it will give people a reason to care about me. When you/things are perfect, nobody gives a fuck.

I'm too upset by this finding to even begin to go wallowing through the whole mess of my childhood to figure out why I am this way. Besides, I already know. How to get myself out of it is another story.

Soundtrack...you're not gonna believe it....fucker.