Earlier I got pretty upset.

Rick called and began blabbing about Ami to me like how they went canoeing and went to the dance and did the fish fest. Then he got to the point of asking about meeting for Envirothon practice today. Sometimes I can't help but think 'Wow.' I'm having a fury of emotions once he hangs up to call Chris. Its bad enough I've been seeing Rick and Ami goo-goo eye at each other. I mean I did sort of like Rick before I discovered how ball-less his was.
After that I just felt more crapped on than I already was by friends. Then I got angry, then sad-ish, then angry again. I should be over this but I can't help it. Mom saw how frizzled I was. She gave me a talk about kissing frogs and broken hearts. It went over my head a little. My heart isn't broken. My heart is mad. Its mad at all the insensitivity and broken loyalty around me.

I called Rick back to find out what Chris's deal was. Chris wouldn't be able to. It was already late and in my mood I was nowhere near wanting to be by Rick so I said no-go to the meeting.

Instead I pulled some sweats, breeches and sneakers on.
I then charged around the block and for the first time in years I went up this road called Brown Hill. That hill is a New York hill. It looks nice at first but then you walk it and its hard. I charged up, all the while still being furious and stewing. My anger pulsed into my legs. I was determined to get to the top of the hill or at least to where the woods started. I convinced myself that going down would be lovely but first I had to make it to the top.

Then I did.

Suddenly all the anger and crazed emotion went away. It was the biggest feeling of relief and release I've felt in a long time.

I turned around and looked at the wide valley stretching out to either side. It was beautiful. The trees were budding so they were a pale green/yellow with purple/brown trunks. The grass was Ireland green and the sun was cast over everything in a beautiful sunset.
I've made the resoloution to try and make it up there everyday now.
Another day I'm going down another road that the late bus passes and I'm going to visit the horses at a farm. I have a stride that's made for lots of walking. I may as well use it. My anger was worth something: pushing me to the top of that hill.

So I'm going to let these things pass. I'm frustrated with the people in my life so I have to make a change. But right now I'll just enjoy the view I've found.

Peace all.
~Lo