Ugh...every color I put my blog on my parent's comp is like blinding. It looks fine of my lappy but shite, this green is terrible.

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Speaking of laptop....mine is currently indesposed. Hopefully I can get it fixed tomorrow because now I realize how much I love it when it is not working. I mean it needs a good cleaning outside and in as it is (I have two keys off and the amount of dog hair in the keyboard is atrocious) but now that wire that makes it charge is dead. I cannot charge my laptop at all which means I cannot even turn the thing on. Wah! Another thing I realize: pictures take up a lot of freakin' room. I'm going to start stocking up on USB thumb drives so I can store stuff. My actual digital camera is indesposed right now as though so new pictures should not be that big of a deal.
Still, it is very erking. But at least it's happening now and not at school and I have an uncle that fixes computers and stuff for a living.
Oh yeah, I need to find a good protection program too since AVG's free thing ran out. I might just buy their actual program since I lot of people seem to swear by it and isn't a pain in the ass like Norton.

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I'm kind of conflicted at the moment though. I thought I had my class schedule worked out but now I don't. It is such a pain trying to schedule classes that you will like, will help with your major and general requirements and won't work you to the bone, not to mention fit in a nice schedule. As soon as I get back to school I really need to schedule and advising appointment because I need it. Ugh.

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Good news: I get to see Vicci the day after tomorrow!!!!! :-D
Also good news: I only have two more weeks of work left.

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So what have I accomplished this summer?
Um....mainly work and saving for school.
Um....being a lazy bum (that just got me back though because I just got my monthly yesterday and fuck did that hurt all night...it's what reminds of the necesscesity to stay active since I don't cramp up or get 'hay hooks in my vag' feeling if I just do some extra walking).
Um....and I missed school a lot.

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The "oh mmm gee" school excitement has kind of faded though. Maybe it's because I still have a lot to do and I know once I get there I will be working hard and still be trying to figure out what the hell I really want to do with my life. Sometimes I feel like my brain wants to explode with the pressure.

I feel in a way like I've lost some of my passion this year. I looked back at what I've done this year and kind of wondered what happened to the girl from high school. There's not really anything "great" that I can boast of doing this year, no moment that stands out and makes me feel pride in myself. There have been some definite fun moments but I feel lazy. Still, maybe I needed it. High school was an experience in and of itself and then college is another one. I stuck to my principles and all but I am still just rather average and sparkless right now.
I feel like I'm in that strange transition period. Like when I was a kid it was whales and animals and goats and writing and horses and reading and all those obsessive things that kept me grounded then. Right now I am without a focus. I'm not even really escaping in to books as I had before. It's like I need to try and find my zen again. It was lost in the muddle of everything.

Sometimes I wonder if it is just a product of growing up in American society though. I don't want to be told what to do and yet I am unsure of the paths before me like a horse that stands leaning slightly on it's haunches, ears flicking back and forth, forelegs wide or crossed, confused, wondering to which way it should turn from you as it tries to read your body language. But the you is Fate and I am wondering what she has in mind for me and where my own soul will find the best fit.
I keep having to remind myself that I am young and that I have the world before me but that is all the same daunting. Because while I have the world I have pressure and then my own mind's wandering ideas and I struggle to weave together all the threads on my loom and get the warp strings in the right harnesses. My hand pauses with the shuttle, not quite sure of the pattern to which I should begin to weave next.

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Anyhoo I suppose I should move along and start some laundry or some such thing or further the organization process and list making.

Farewell.
~Lo