Oh my god.
I have no words.
Mo is a NO!
Now proven that he has no balls and penis.

So I admit, we made out. Making out seems to be my real test and he failed. Emotional connection is important, knowing that someone feels something is important, having a connection or a passion is important in the turn on factor. And I searched...I fucking looked and there was NOTHING!!!
It was kind of a waste. I feel rather retarded. Wasn't that what all my senior year was?
Ugh.

And he boasted of change, that he is more fit and wears tight pants and I saw none of it. First, his pants were not tight. Tight is fucking girl pants. He started sweating going up my hill. I know that is a bad judge but yeah...I kind of like hiking and all and that was also another test. He didn't connect like I did. What the hell? I don't need that boring shit. There was just...nothing. I mean he was just the same. Maybe he is more but he hides it deep then and I don't feel like crackin' those nuts.

No more attempted rebounds...ever...unless it's like my soulmate doing a rebound.
Uckk. PLCs (poor life choice) seem to be a virus lately.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

You know...sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I hadn't met y'all in this place where our fingers and our minds collide. It's so part of me. I grew up, am growing up with y'all. I still don't think I emphasize it enough sometimes of the importance. Maybe because I take it for granted. But this place is sacred to me I think. I dreamt of JS the other night for the first time, that I was protecting it. Very specially group of people you are. :-)

~~~~~

I'm home now. I'm with ma dawgs, mi perro, have seen Kacey, remembered the sacredness of walks under the cold cast of the moonlight. I'm in my bed though it doesn't quite feel like mine, not without sinking halfway into it and laying on memory foam that is a life saver. I did laundry without having to shell out a buck twenty-five. I took a shower and almost forgot that I didn't need sandles, a robe and my bag o' tricks o' cleanin' to bring with me...It's all there. I realized that the stalls in Walmart are not that desconocido from college bathroom stalls and -*more info than you need, haha, sorry Netta*-. College and mi casa do feel like seperate realities though. It es very strange.

News on the family front: my cousin, who is only younger than me by about six months, has cancer. It is the kind in the lymph nodes. But it is still kind of scary. She is barely twenty and needs kemo and radiation. I'd be scared and sad. It's mad. Really mad. She's the last person I'd expect to be diagnosed. How do you deal with that? Junior in college and find out you have cancer....man.
My grandmother is off to fill her with food, to prepare her.
We know in this family. I hope she'll be okay.
It's kind of just hitting me....

~~~~~~~~~~~

So. School. I survived. History midterm was mercifully easy, almost too much so after I took five sheets of notes preparing.

I think I am better at writing Spanish than I am speaking it but that is not uncommon with languages. I borrowed two Spanish language films from the library: Amores Perros and Before Night Falls. Started watching Amores Perros and I love it. Gael Garcia Bernal is HOTTTTTTT!!! He has amazing eyes. Oh mi dioz. Wow. The name of the film is "Amor (love)-es (is) perro (dog, in this case bitch though really wouldn't it be perra?)" so Love's a bitch. I love it because it has to do with dog fighting.

Anyway that's the News.

Peace.
~Lo