-blink blink-
What?

That's the feeling kind of.

I know we had been talking about it for a while but I feel kind of swept out of nowhere suddenly at the thought that I will be meeting a third e-person in um...about a week or so now.
His flight is scheduled and everything and he just called me to get my address.
Last night and the past few days I been rather anti-men, mopey and pissy.

And now a dude, who my feelings for have been on-and-off for the past two years is coming up in a week.
I suddenly do not feel very prepared even after we had been thinking about a visit for a year or more now.

Mom said I have a revolving door of boyfriends. I don't think that four boyfriends in six years is that bad of a revolving door personally. I'm not even sure my military friend and I will ever be a more-than. I mean as far as I know that was ever really a one-sided half-ass dream.

He'll only be here three days really.
I feel in a weird state of shock.
In some ways I've been a bit spoiled as well.
"He's coming up for you."
But why does my brain deny it? My brain says "There is nothing romance-y about your friendship with him, not even remotely at this point." So the thought of him coming up "for me" sounds weird and almost makes me mentally react like when in 2nd grade if the boys you throw rocks at and chase around the playground suddenly came up and give you a flower...without spitting on it.

Hm.

It's always those times when I'm like "fuck this friendship" that Nick randomly calls or something. It's like he has some freaky radar.

~~~

I notice these moments sometimes
where just a simple meeting of the eyes
completely blindsides
breathless
rendered unable to see your real surroundings
unable to open your mouth to speak
realizing that
you will never speak to this person again
maybe ever see them again.
They're like a car crash
careening in to your mind
erasing everything else
and though all the images may not be there
you remember the feeling
of being completely washed away
in the collision of the moment
in each others eyes.

~~~

Those happen every once in a while.
Stricken dumb and so shocked I near want to run.

~~~

I finally went up my Hill. Actually today is the second day I went. Monday I went and was dragging my legs by the time I got home. My knees were in a great protest and my leg muscles felt like they had been knawed on. I remember that I need to get back in shape.

The first time coming back I walked through my neighborhood and encountered two black cats hanging out in the road. They were contemplating running but when I crouched down to their level they trotted over quite happily to be petted. Very friendly they were. It was a nice treat to end the nomnomom-ing on my legs.

This time up it didn't feel too bad and I stretched slightly before I headed out too.

I think I'm going to try going up it every other day now if I can. It does feel good. Going down the breeze always feels stronger and it feels better... even though I'm actually using just as much energy.

It's nice to be up there and hearing the birds call, my eyes dining on the special way that light falls through trees and the view of everything I get. My ears listen to the birds calling, the rustles of the leaves,the sound of a woodpecker. Mentally I touch my named trees and see stories running by me.

I'm glad I lost my portable music player...the music of the natural world is nice too even if it's feet trudging on gravel and oil road and a chest that's breathing hard. There are times when your mind can just rest on the sound of the rythems of life and get back in to beat with the Master Musician.

~~~

I feel my muse in my head. I need to set down mechanical pencil and just try going at this idea for a story that starts in a grocery store or K-Mart. They really are meeting centers, particularly in small towns.
I already have one story going about a murder but my character got stumped and so did I. I have to go back and look at it since my muse for the story gave me a solution.
Writing is happening.

And so is reading!
I am a sucker for Tamora Pierce. Yesterday I sat out at my pond house for a few hours reading Bloodhound, the latest book in her Beka Cooper, Tortall Legend series. I am so glad I found Tamora Pierce this year, cheesy as people may say she is...but hey people read and like Twilight too so whateva.
I was kind of in a happy coma after I finally got up though. I'm savoring it a little.

Mmm well that's the news for now.
Oh! Purple hair on facebook=more love than I got on my birthday. Holy crudkins!

Adios.
Peace.
~Lo