There is value in walking alone.

I think Tall Matt and I's paths were only meant to brush but not to go along side. I'm not really sure who's dream he was at this point anyway. Maybe it's cynicism but it is also reality. I could try but I don't feel like it anymore. I don't even have the feasible time to really be in a relationship right now.
Friendship is a possibility but even there I'm unsure. It is just incredibly...awkward and friendships should just flow...most days. But then I'm not sure if he contains much the element of water now that I think about it.
In a mate I want to be comfortable enough to be myself, not to solidify, to harden. I want to laugh together and not alone.
So I'm letting it go. My intuition is right. Now if only I could stop this constant-awareness bullshit that's been plaguing me for three years...

So I'm throwing this down on the table here and now: Jew Matt and I fooled around as an experiment this weekend. I think the only reason it happened is that the past week my hormones had been raging in lust and being a young male his body subconsciously picked up on it. Conclusively it isn't something either of want to repeat since lust in its raw form does not work for either of us.
I thought I would feel weird about it but I don't because 1) it didn't work 2) we were talking about his crush the next day as normal and I only felt protective of the fact that his ex was butting in her face in his mission. Platonic we still are and that's great.
So life goes on. College experience had. Lesson learned: fuck buddies is not my thing. I kinda suspected it but now I knooooow...fer shizzle, yo.

Other news...not much of it.
I've started walking alone and it really is better for me. I get so much more done in the mental cobweb cleaning department. I can relax more and simultaneously push myself harder. At least I'm out there doing it now. I sing to myself, occasionally speak in a funny language of my soul and absorb my surroundings, striding to my own rhythm. I can listen to the wind and the world better.
Yesterday I went out when the sun was setting and I couldn't have been happier....except the fact when my bladder yelled "Has to peeeeeee!" and I was a mile and a half from a bathroom I could use. I held it like a champ and walked fast. A held pee feels that much better when you get to a toilet anyway so it was kind of like a reward, haha.

S-D class has been going well. I've landed myself a nice bunch of bruises lately (the biggest from getting up from a roll, stepping off the mat onto the hardwood floor with too much momentum and my fuzzy socks sliding so that I thumped right back down). I am getting over my kicking loathing a little bit more. Okay...so I definitely still hate round house kicks but I understand them more. Kicking something with the top of my foot is probably not a technique I will ever employ in a fight though. My body was not made for that kick at all. I like crescent kicks a lot better. I pack more power and since I have wicked bunions I can really concentrate it. Crescent kick is usually used as a block but I was knocking back the pad holder with mine.
Oh and I'm good at slapping! Wha-bam! It was fun.

I donated blood. I think I'm on my fifth or sixth time now. It was pretty easy but the guy setting me up this time when a tad bit crazy with the arm-band-tightener-thing. Just like...dude, my veins are not hard to see, you're even happy that you have two to pick from in one elbow. My arms are thin yes but I don't need vice grip action.

So that's it.
Peace.
~Lo

Oh and this shirt pretty much epitomizes how I feel some days. Socializing

Kris Allen is a cool dude.


Jay Z is a king.


90's Flashback


Rihanna is so hard.


P.S.
Almost forgot! I got new glasses! Adjusting to them has been quite the task. It has been taking me longer than I thought it would. My depth perception has definitely been a bit off and I still have to be careful not to look down too fast lest I feel dizzy. I am kind of boogled at the fact that I don't have to squint period anymore. The clarity is like...WHOA! My first reaction when I put them on: "I can see every detail on those handbags over there!"
The frames are vastly different from my old ones. My own frames were very light, silver detailing on the top and sides, frameless on the bottom. Shiny, slight, feminine.
My new ones are thick framed, black cat's eyes. They make me appear very "librarian" but edgier and look ultra classy when I have dramatic red lips. Quite fun and quite a difference. Paul's reaction: "Since when do you wear glasses?" "...since you've known me, Paul. These are new frames."
I'd take a picture but I haven't felt very photogenic lately.