-sigh- Well Thanksgiving day is nearly over and I am stuffed like a pig...which means I really cannot ignore editing my thesis anymore. I am approximately two weeks from the last day of fall classes and three weeks from the end of the semester period. My senior year is flying by.

I have a lot to be thankful for this year. I've had a particularly good year. Yes, this time last year I was ready to say "Fuck school" but then my spring semester ended up being amazing. I had great times with friends, great experiences, acquired a pretty forking cool boyfriend and had my best semester ever academically. My summer was slow but I spent the last month of it in Vermont, learned to caaaaanoe, hung out with great people and had a lot of fun. The start of my fall semester I was a bawling mess but otherwise had fun...including getting full out drunk for the first time. It's strange being a senior but at the same time I've accepted my place. Admittedly as the semester has gone on I have become more angsty, in part due to my seasonally enhanced joint pain (my hip and knee have been in pain for the past month and a half) as well as my apathy toward academia period. I am really quite ready to be done with school. I love my classmates and my school but I'm also ready to go out and pursue life. Wells has a good piece of my soul but I feel the need to move on.

What has been a lot of fun is my intro to performing arts class. We've had a lot of great projects and it's been fun to crack my knuckles on creativity again...such as with the site-specific performance assignment. I chose the library as my space and imagined a chorus hidden throughout the library which for a majority of the performance the audience only hears. The chorus is acting as the voices of books, at the same time breaking the silence of the space. The chorus emerges for the highlight of the piece and then slip back into their hiding places and fade back silence again. I was absolutely enamored with this project and wanted to see it done so badly that I covered everything I could possibly think of in my proposal for it.
Another person proposed the library too but I totally pwned him with my creativity and thoroughness. Hellz yes I got an A.
Other things we have done are an actual performance. We were responsible for writing, directing, teching, and acting a piece for our midterm. Just recently we had a design project where we could do set design or costume design for Electra. We have another full performance coming up again and we are all anxious for the assignment to be given already with finals so near.

Hm...so my thesis...it's going. I partly gave up on realizing that I was a bit ambitious for my topic and that in reality I could just use another semester to work on it. My problem was that my direction changed so much from the beginning and the sheer impact of the geography I was covering hit me. When attacking the Mongol Empire I am looking at China, Central Asia, the Middle East and most of Russia in the span of about two hundred years. I am a dumb ass.
But despite this and all the work I have ahead of me in the next three days my professor says he believes in me. He knows I am a strong writer and that somehow I will pull this off. This helps but I really have to re-dig for my enthusiasm and not be overwhelmed by what I decided to pursue. That's what I get for trying to be different...
However I did not get ripped so bad as this guy Phil. Our professor basically told him he needs to rewrite his whole thesis...which secretly makes half the history majors gleeful as Phil is a very arrogant person who is somewhat irritating to have a class with.

My Ancient China class has been...disappointing. The instructor is totally green and erratic. I've done well by not completely overpowering her yet but suddenly I feel like I'm back in my sophomore year high school resource room where I did take over. My friend Nicole is having a harder time with it than I am though. I think she just wants to punch the professor every day. We do learn more from the book than we learn in class though.
An interesting thing about China though- apparently the night before a woman was married parents would have a Birds and the Bees talk and give her an instruction manual for sex. Our professor asked us what we do and we all kind "erm"-ed and "ummm"-ed. "Sex in Western culture is pretty taboo. It isn't popularly taught as something healthy or to have 'fun' with. It seems to be 'you're a whore' or 'you're a virgin.' It only enters the 'healthy' frame of speak when you get older. Our 'instruction manuals' are porn." The professor was boggled and I once again found myself frustrated with sexual values. For example look at this slide show. Is this not horrifying? It really angers me and saddens me at the same time. It isn't just about condoms but the way that sex itself is seen.

It really angers me that birth control is still a prescription drug. Look at the Nuva! It doesn't even come in different doses like the Pill does. It is uniform and effective. The effects are mild. I mean it could be an over-the-counter birth control. More pricey without insurance yes, but otherwise a very convenient method in my opinion. As far as storage goes, yes they might have to keep it in a special fridge but I don't think you need a doctor's appointment to get it. Maybe a person has questions about the side affects but there is a lot of info out there. Unless you're on some crazy hormones or want to use a IUD which requires surgery then what is the big deal with having birth control over the counter? It's so frustrating. Like I leave my birth control at school accidentally and need to have it in the next day and you know what I forking need to get in my town? A refilled prescription or a trip to a health clinic at least.
Agh!
In some sense women have more control than men and for that I am thankful. I can say "I don't want my body to produce what can make me have a baby" and get on some hormones. Men can either wear a condom and hope it doesn't break or...get a vasectomy. I am happy with the fact that I can more actively control my reproductive capabilities. But I still feel it should be easier.

-sigh-
So...speaking of sex.....I did get to be with Matt for approximately 48hrs in October. He was house sitting in Buffalo and swung down to Wells to pick me up. It was good to ride in a car and talk with him again, hear the real chords of his voice in my ear, smell him, touch him, wake up next to him and not get out of bed just because cuddling and smiling at each other were better than breakfast. In the words of Netta the *ahem*ing was awesome. There were awkward moments but that's what makes it real and not a porno. It's still fun. I got to cuddle with the cats that Matt was house sitting. I was laying on the couch falling asleep after watching America's Next Top Model when the black cat named Stubbs climbed up to nestle in with me. She stretched out, nuzzled into my chest and fell fast asleep. Meanwhile I myself started dozing off. Matt walked in from the kitchen I knew he was mentally aww-ing at the sight of Stubbs and I drifting off to sleep together. I felt so bad when I had to move her to climb into an actual bed...
I found it was easier to say goodbye to Matt this time. I think if anything it was harder for him.
But that's part of the steady-fall. I have my moments of insecurity and stupidity but they pass. In the end I think both us have just become MORE in love. We are about a week and a half shy of nine months together and he can still cause me to have a supa dupa smiley mushy face; and though he doesn't express it the same way I know I do it to him. :-) It's not perfect but it's still damn good.

I have so much to be thankful for this year,I really do; my friendships, my family, my love, my world. In the life of Your Favorite Annoying Teen/Twentysomething this has been a good year even with the periodic hardships.

Anyhoo, I'm out for the night before my bladder says we're going to back to four years old and has me pee the bed.

Happy American Thanksgiving. I'm thankful to you, readers.
Peace.
~Lo