Wow, so close to the end of the year already. It's crazy to imagine we're about to embark upon a new decade.

My semester is at an end. I arrived home on Wednesday night and basically I've been sleeping a lot the past few days, which is weird because I kept a really regular sleep schedule all semester. It must be the stress I didn't think about.
I think I am also just recovering physically. I don't have to go up stairs or up hills to get anywhere now. I took a break from self-defense class and intense walking but it was still stressful on my body. I got a work out just from all the books I was hauling around on a constant basis, and even without my physical activity I've remained in the lower range of my weight area (I'm usually between 145-155 pounds). This is good but while I'm home I need to get back into a regular routine of walking. I'm sure the goats and the dogs will appreciate it as well.

On the note of this semester I realize that it is my last fall at Wells. This is good since it means that next year I will not be as likely so suffer from such severe seasonal pain. I hope to not be living in a place that is so handicap inaccessible- because Wells has really made me realize that I need to be conscious of that. I need to live a sensible lifestyle for my body, so that in the future I will not have to face the choice I did in my sophomore year: endure the pain and stay at the school I love, or go somewhere which will be more accessible and better for my body. I chose to endure but I really hope to not have to make that choice again.
Still, that has been a good thing about Wells- it has made me more aware of my responsibilities to myself.

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I don't know how I really feel about this semester. I became pretty apathetic in the end. I don't feel good or bad about my thesis being done. I know I want to reapproach it but for now I am just waiting on the grade.

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Intro to Performing Arts is the one class grade I have in so far, an as predicted A-. I could have done even better but I am satisfied with what I have.
The end performance turned out alright. There were definitely moments when I really had to resist taking control but managed not to. We changed our theme to Smash/beatnik poetry less than a week before the performance. Yes, my eyeballs bulged out of my head but at least we had a more clear vision. It was frustrating for me because I understood the characters more than the director did and had to explain what was going on and how people were feeling. I ended up supporting more of the cast and being better at communicating imagery and vision when I actually understood the director but even then I was a bit more aware.
Admittedly by the Sunday before the performance I was becoming a bit flat, I think partly from just repeating lines so much and also just the exhaustion I felt from having a cold for the past three days. I needed to get the crazy and the emotion back in me that had originally inspired the cast to begin with.
On Tuesday I was still feeling low energy so I posted a plea on Facebook for people to piss me off without causing lasting harm. I was a bit disappointed to be quite honest. I wanted people to get NASTY with me, be brave enough to cause some sort of fight that I could channel. But I realize that is also hard to make me genuinely angry without some sort of long build up. Also, once I've gotten my anger out on a certain subject it is another long climb to get me back up. I did fair slightly better once I thought about nuclear bombs and the Cold War though.
What eventually got me was the group going before us. They did an absolutely terrifying version of Electra as a schizophrenic in a creepy room the basement. The audience sat a cold floor in the dark while we looked into the room where Electra was holding herself and rocking under a single light while the chorus "floated" around her veiled. Then their director was in another room periodically screaming and moaning, letting the cries echo through the basement. It was a brilliant performance but I was intensely creeped out after. It proved useful, though, as I took the adrenaline, ran around and got pumped up. My fellow group members helped me energize as well, punching my arms and being macho like "Yeah! BE CRAZY!"
We were allowed to do our performance anywhere but the stage. So we worked in the middle tier of central house seats. Each member of the cast had their own row. Chrysothemis was in the highest row, her strophe chorus behind her, then I had my row, then my two chorus members were in each row behind, and finally we had our last chorus member who was also a drummer. Starting from the top were positioned in a V position in the seats, so that we were separated by our levels but fanned out so everyone could be seen. We all dressed in black; the chorus wore hats hats; Chrysothemis had smooth hair and bright jewelry; I wore a spaghetti strap shirt, black cuffs and just stood let my hair do what it does naturally- stand on end and go in every which direction. The audience itself watched from the upper levels of the theatre, a good eight or more rows from the cast.
The nervous and scared energy I acquired really helped me to perform. I felt the power reenter my voice, necessary in order for me to project, and to convey the aggressive and crazy image I was going for with Electra. I gave myself goosebumps as I spoke. I know I can be loud without yelling, that I am capable of sounding authoritative and aggressive and expressive. Before playing this role I had never had the chance to use that voice without being a real bitch. As Electra I could embrace it and channel it in a way I found thrilling. I enjoyed her hate, her malice, her craziness. I was happy with what I did.
Our performance feedback session afterward was painful as we definitely had to rescue our director with questions but we did what we could. We still got together and did our jobs.

PART 100 has confirmed my suspicion that I should become more involved with theatre and the performing arts. I really enjoyed my experience, flexing my creativity in a way I haven't for a while. I'm excited about my theatre class for next semester. :-)

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The anticipation for my coming trip is slowly building. Less than two weeks until I fly out. I imagine next week I will start to become extremely antsy but I'm going to keep myself as distracted as I can in the mean time.

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Speaking of distractions, I'm off to complete my Lord of the Rings marathon. I can't believe it's been 9 years since the first movie's release! Ahhh! Times flies.

I will write again after Christmas (aka when I am bouncing off the walls) and do my year evaluation.
Peace.
~Lo