I'm working on a piece about unhappy modern children. I've also been doing re-tellings of fairy tales. This is the creation of their crossing.

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Our children are fatter. Unhappier. More aggressive. Exploring sexuality earlier. Attacking teachers and parents. Needing therapy.

Anybody ever look at our lullabies? Nursery rhymes? Ain't nothing about them sweet and tender. They all talk of evil, pain, misfortune and misery.

Take "Humpty Dumpty." This clunk sat on a wall and had a great fall and all the king's horses and all the king's men (forget the surgeons at Kings County) couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again.

Those two beauties "Jack and Jill" schlepped up a hill to fetch a pail of water, right? Jack fell down and broke his crown and what happened to Jill? Even before God made Jimmy Choos and spike heels, she came tumbling after.

"London Bridge." In pre-K we all sing-songed London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down, London Bridge is falling down, my fair lady. So why couldn't this fair lady have waltzed across a picturesque span? Why's that thing falling down?

Humpty had a great fall. Jack fell down. Jill came tumbling after. The fair lady's bridge went flop and kerplop. Lullabies? Nursery rhymes? Panaceas for wee innocent babes?

"Ring-a-Round a Rosie." Its next lines were: A pocket full of posies, Ashes! Ashes all fall down. Again with the falling down.

Take the famous "Three Blind Mice." It says: They all ran after the farmer's wife. Who cut off their tails with a carving knife. Did you ever see such a thing in your life? OK? Then there's "Hickory Dickory Dock," which deals with mice running up and down. MICE?

"Rock-a-Bye Baby" goes, When the wind blows the cradle will rock. When the bow breaks, the cradle will fall, And down will come baby, cradle and all. Again a fall. Why?

How about "Itsy Bitsy Spider?" I don't even want to go there.

Around 1553 little Patience Muffet's entomologist stepfather frightened her with one of his insects and she ran away. Thus comes: Little Miss Muffet sat on a tuffet eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider who sat down beside her and frightened Miss Muffet away. Why must she be scared? Why is this a cuddle for little children?

And Fie on "Old Mother Hubbard" who went to the cupboard to get her poor doggie a bone, and when she got there the cupboard was bare, so the poor little doggie had none. Why do they have to go hungry? Why starve the little pooch? What's with the mortal danger?

"Little Bo Beep" with that stupid name? No wonder she had a hard time and lost her sheep. "Tom, Tom the Piper's Son" who stole a pig? This is what we teach kids?

And "Ladybug, Ladybug" fly away home, your house is on fire and your children are gone. The house is on fire? The children are gone? And "The Crooked Man" who walked a crooked mile and found a crooked sixpence upon a crooked stile and bought a crooked cat which caught a crooked mouse and they all lived together in a little crooked house. Why couldn't this dumb guy have had a nice big straight house? And why another mouse?

Picture a little mind learning over and over about harm and accidents befalling everyone and thievery and poverty and want and fear.

I remember a poem that asks "Who killed Cock Robin?" "I," said the sparrow. "With my bow and arrow." Helloooooo!

"There Was an Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe," and goes the second verse: She gave them some broth without any bread; She whipped them all soundly and put them to bed. Nice old broad, no?

Those "Three Little Kittens" who lost their mittens? Their mother was so steamed that she meowed: Then you shall have no pie. First off, what are kittens doing with gloves and, secondly, who's sure it was their fault they lost them. What a rotten lady. No wonder nasty females are called cats.

Anybody notice those "Grimm's Fairy Tales" are really grimm? "Little Red Riding Hood" got eaten by a wolf.

No wonder our kids are violent. We're singing this to them when they're little babies. We're reciting fears into them at birth. The songs are not very nice. The rhymes are not very nice. The characters are not very nice. Why should the children then be very nice?

And for a change of pace we tell them about the boogeyman who will scare them or we tell them ghost stories to terrify them.

And just to help them along the road, celebrities name them Dweezil, Moon Unit, Moses, Apple, Suri, Phinnaeus, Eulala, Satchel, Aquinnah, Phoenix, Prince Michael, Heavenly Hiraani, Pilot, Kafka, Lark-Song.

No wonder they're neurotic. Mind, I have no children so I have no frame of reference so I should keep my mouth shut because I don't know what I'm talking about. Still . . .