So me and my girlfriend were sitting out in front of a gas station where we had stopped. She pulled out a cigarette and lit up. I farted.

"You're a pig. Do you know that?" she said.

"What? I farted. Everybody farts."

"Yes, but you don't have to do it around me."

"You're smoking around me. You think that smells good? Besides, we're outside."

"It's just gross though, and you don't have to do it around me."

"Have you ever heard of any laws that prohibit farting in certain places? You can't smoke in the workplace or in a restaurant, but there is no law that says you can't fart in a restaurant or at work. It's much worse to smoke."

"If you fart in a restaurant or at work people will think you are gross. It's just impolite. You could just walk around the corner and do that."

"All right look. Right now you are smoking from the very lips that you are expecting me to kiss later on, and your breath will smell like smoke. That's worse than my farting. My fart came from my ass. You won't have to kiss that."

"Maybe YOU won't have to kiss ANYTHING."

"Smoking is bad for you. It may kill you some day."

"Methane is a greenhouse gas. You are adding to global warming and may kill the planet someday."