i have shut the door and pulled the blinds,
wanting no student to find me.
i don't want to hear drama
or comfort
or discuss
or even hear a great idea!
i just want to be.

i don't want any more phone calls or updates
or questions about the fourty-days of lent.
i don't even want to hear "good job!"
because i know it is only because the last
person didn't do anything.
i just want to be.

it has been five weeks since i've worked
a "full" week, yet i feel i am working all the time.
a. is sick.
w. is gone.
dad....nothing is ever quite right for him.
i get calls
and visits
at all hours of the day and night.
i feel bad - two of my students are sick with what a. had.
but what i want to say to them all is
leave me alone.
i don't want to be there for you right now.

I
Just
Want
to
Be!

but there is a service to be written
hymns to choose
classes to teach
phone calls to return
money to raise
plans to be made
and even though i don't want to do any of it...

i will. somehow.

all is bottled up inside.

i need a squirrel moment
ask rm
she knows.