Something I came across that states a way of being that, unfortunately (or fortunately) I am familiar with. Why do I seem to accomplish more when I'm despondent?

"Throughout history, it has been known that melancholics, though they have little energy, use their energy well; they tend to work hard in a focused area, do great things, and derive little pleasure from their accomplishments. Much of the insight and creative achievement of the human race is due to the discontent, guilt, and critical eye of dysthymics."

Peter D. Kramer
Listening to Prozac

Overly critical of myself was always the note given to my parents about me as a student and still hangs in the back of my mind as a continued warning- "Don't be so hard on yourself." It was never that I was a perfectionist- far from it. Just that I was highly conscious of my own failings and that my successes did not quite measure up. These were no one else's thoughts but my own.

Just a bit of self-indulgent self-analysis.