Rose is afraid of dogs. Nobody feels good—Rose, the dog, the various adults around—when she starts whimpering and cowers behind me. It seemed to be getting better for awhile. She could calmly ask if Ruby (the dog) was home before going to visit the neighbor. She could watch a dog on a leash walk past on the sidewalk. And she fell in love with her grandparents’ maltese, a tiny white fluffy sweetheart. She even likes petting it and letting it lick her fingers.

But things got bad recently, affecting all of our quality of life. She tried to ride her bike in the neighborhood parade, but all the dogs freaked her out so much, she had to quit. We went to a bris which we both missed because she wouldn’t go in the house—dog. At the birthday party, she played all alone in one room because that was the room the dog didn’t go in. (The parents kindly moved the dog when it became clear she wasn’t going to warm up to their sweet, old, quiet family member.)

We had been doing a combination of managing the situation, i.e. calling ahead to find out if the house had dogs; doing our best to reassure her—“See Fluffy is on a leash; she’s not going to come near you; look, I’m letting Fluffy lick my fingers; she’s very sweet”; telling her buck up; and protecting her—“I will throw my body between you and the dog, Honey.” A therapist suggested it was time for desensitization. I was just gearing myself up to find a nice tiny dog for her to become friends with when Rose came up with her own solution.

On absolutely no hints from me, my girl started role playing tonight. She put her two “dogs” in a box and carried them over to visit me. She warned me that one dog was really sweet and the other was kind of mean. She taught me how to make friends with them and how to pet them. She was the knowledgeable, in control, dog owner. I was the nervous visitor.

I admit, the whole dog skittishness thing has really annoyed me. Could we just walk down the street please? Could you trust me to keep you safe? And then to see her so brave and tackling her fear. I am in awe of her.