1. Mollify your toddler with a baseball bat. I don’t care how much he loves bats or that it’s just one of those lightweight yellow plastic things. You can convince him to get in the car seat by giving him a whiffle ball because the worst that will happen is he drops it on the floor and complains about it all the way home. But, a bat. . . Did it occur to you the radius a bat can swing? I’m sure that if there’s a law against talking on your cell phone, there’s a law against ducking as the bat comes for the back of your head.

2. Let your toddler brush his own teeth. Dental hygiene, yeah yeah. I know it’s easier to give him the toothbrush than simultaneously holding it away from his grasp while reaching it in to brush, but. Consider how far back you set bedtime when he gags himself, throws up on his jammies, decides he doesn’t like the new jammies you change him into and he has to change again.

3. If you’ve got a friend who is terminally ill and you haven’t heard from her in awhile, but the last email was hopeful about a new treatment, don’t read the latest email right before you try to get the kids out the door. Because you will find yourself throwing your daughter’s shoes on the ground, yelling at her to get her coat on, and bursting into tears because your son wants to wear his boots.