I pretend I don't do bribes. Oh, I'm not bribing the kids, I'm just explaining a logical sequence of events—if we leave the party now, there will be time for a cupcake. See?

Or it's not a bribe, just a natural consequence. Being kind and helpful will make Sally want to let you play on her computer while she babysits. Being a drama queen, will have the reverse effect.

Rose saw right through me. I knew I was in trouble when she started offering David a chance to play with her princess if he got in his car seat. I mean it was very nice of her to offer her precious doll and try to parent David with me, but she'd obviously picked up the "if you do this I will give you that" from me.

Then it really came back to bite me.

Rose: I'll be helpful to Sally if I get to play with her magnets.

Helpful is code in our family for cooperative, pleasant, a good sport, a good listener, and helpful—all the things one should do because they are the right thing to do, not because you get a prize for it. And that's what I told her. Now I just need to do walk the walk.