Here's the thing about the whole Linda Ronstadt situation. Just like those desperate fired CSI actors are now saying, the whole thing's one big misunderstanding.

See, if you've ever been to Vegas you know there are essentially 2 Vegases. ('veg-i?') There's the 'what happens in vegas stays in vegas' Vegas - you know, that whole add campaign the city's been launching. This is the go out at 1am, and if you've played your cards right you're standing among a sea of hotties while drinking red bull & vodkas at either Drake's or Light Vegas. This is essentially what the people I know go to Vegas for. That, and to lose boatloads of cash at the tables.

Then...there's the other vegas. The Vegas the aforementioned ad campaign is doing EVERYTHING in its power to dissociate itself from. This is the 9AM - to about, let's call it at 11PM Vegas. This is tourist vegas. You know that last scene in Casino, when they build MGM & Excalibur and they fade to that slow motion fleet of obese seniors in jumpsuits and visors entering the city like conquerors? You would think that's an exaggeration but it's not. Scorcese got it dead-on. This is 9AM to 11PM Vegas, followed by a 2hr transition period into "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas" Vegas.

The former group astounds me: Why the hell would you want to go to Vegas...just to walk around the strip in broad daylight, admire the faux eiffel tower, the faux empire state building, and the new Celine Dion memorial gladiator coliseum, all while fighting heat stroke and masses of other people just like you?

When I have a family of my own, Vegas is at the rock bottom of my list of summer vacation "destinations." Vegas is not a vacation spot. It's a money vacuum in the middle of the desert. Period.

But when I am the single fun-loving guy who needs a spontaneous road trip at 11pm at night, Vegas will always be the undisputed champion at the top of that list.

Now...I may be completely wrong, and be completely off-kilter, I mean, I haven't checked the official start time on Linda's infamous performance, but I'm guessing it wasn't after 11pm.

Again, (and if you haven't seen the movie PLEASE do so - this is very important to your personal well being) - refer to the end of Casino. Imagine a crowd of several thousand visor donning, jump suit wearing tourists expecting a greatest hits medly from Linda Ronstadt, who just assume be a mannequin up there, Chuck E. Cheese style and nobody would know the difference.

...and then suddenly she mentions Michael Moore? That's just like lighting a cigarette at a gas station. Or Matthew Broderick, along with Morgan and Denzel charging into the heavily-fortified Confederate fort at the end of Glory. It's gallant, but it just ain't gonna turn out well.

If you haven't seen Casino, and have no idea what I'm talking about (understandable - usually the case), use this example. My buddies Chris & Greg & I were heading to Vegas one morning and we stopped off in Baker, which is your typical desert stopover town, EXCEPT it boasts the world's largest thermometer (no joke.) Pay no attention to the fact that the thermometer works in neon instead of mercury. We stop in to Jack in the Box for a delicious nutricious breakfast, take a table, and soon after this tour bus pulls up.

How to do it justice...we were just in awe. In to Jack in the Box rolls this collective of aging seniors, replete with large sunglasses, but their post 9-11 patriotism was really off the charts - just the most impressive display I've seen before or since. Everyone had a 'United We Stand' or 'In Memorium 9-11' or 'God Bless America' T-shirt. There were American flag pendants, earrings - you name it. Red shorts with blue or white shirts. Just an awe-inspiring sight, we didn't know how to process it. Not exactly the latte-drinking, volvo driving, New York Times reading contingency... so imagine this group deciding to catch a matinee over at the Aladdin. Add contents, stir, and boom you've got national headlines.

And what about this Aladdin casino owner? If you're Republican he's a hero, and if you're a Democrat he's a real bastard. Again, hasn't anyone seen Casino?? This guy doesn't have a choice! You fuck up - you lose business and the next thing you know they're pulling a suprise Andy Stone on you - you know that teamsters president who they shot with silencer guns between the cars, and kept shooting him as they stepped over him? This guy's not making a counter-political statement, he's trying to keep all of his brains in his head while simultaneously not pissing his pants. So the moral is, if ever in doubt rent Casino...

Still, Vegas tourists or not that crowd just overreacted, plain and simple. If i go to a very special Ted Nugent concert up in liberal Amherst, Mass, and he quickly dedicates "Cat-Scratch fever" to Bush, i'm not going to have a spontaneous aneurysim. These people were going ape-shit - running through the casino in a panic, defacing posters, etc. It got so bad they even starting throwing their cocktails in the air - free booze! Wasted! Under what context is that appropriate??