I heard on the radio this morning that not only has Ashlee Simpson, Jessica Simpson's sister, put out a record, but it's currently number freakin' one on the Billboard charts.

Think Bernie Mac when I say, "Great job, America."

I just noticed last week that Ashlee got her own show on MTV, just like big sis. And while Jessica has the hook of being a newlywed and dumb, this show...really didn't seem to be about anything in
particular.

"Perfect!" I thought, "Finally let the long-awaited Simpson [not to be confused with 'Simpsons'] backlash begin!"

No, apparently our youth just can't get enough of this tripe. Hey, if this is what the kids wanna watch and hear these days I shouldn't have a problem with it - it really has very little to do with my life.

I guess what bugs the crap out of me though is how the whole Simpson phenomenon rewards stupidity. I don't mean that in some enlightened "holier than thou" snobby sense. I mean she is *literally rewarded*...for stupidity! The girl doesn't know the difference between chicken and tuna, which was hilarious btw, so what happens? Chicken of the Sea pays her thousands of dollars to endorse their product! If I were in junior high right now, I'd be seriously confused: Get a perfect score on your pre-algebra test. Memorize your vocab. Study your ass off. Just don't pay any attention to the nitwit on TV being paid to give her opinion on buffalo wings ("I don't eat buffalo.") Change the channel before you see her confusedly plugging liquid-ice breath mints ("Are they liquid, or are they ice??").

OK, maybe the kids are smart enough to separate "Newlyweds" and "Ashlee" from their reality. Jessica does have big boobs, permanently on display, and that *just might* have something to do with her gi-normous commercial success. But I'm not convinced. I still think subliminally we're really sending the wrong message with this one. Hey, some people take moral issue with shows that feature koala-rectum eating contests during family hour, well...this is my beef. It's right up there with Britney Spears advising that we all just listen to what the President says and follow his lead.

It's really unfortunate - if this keeps up in a few years we're gonna have legions of bottle-blonde, surgically-enhanced bimbos trained to act stupid and smile and not question and...wait, what was I saying?

And now that I've pondered it adequately enough, I suppose maybe - just maybe - eating koala-rectum is also a form of rewarding stupidity too.... Hm. You really could write a book on this.

Well, in the meantime bring on the new number one smash from Hilary Duff's sister, featuring the latest Carter brother, who's having a feud with Justin Timberlake's little brother, who has his own reality show on MTV due to his hugely popular episode of "Cribs." I freakin' surrender.