I want to start things off today squaring away a long-standing debate. My ex-girlfriend back in college grew up in Tampa, and whenever I wanted to get a rise out of her I'd just call Florida "Imitation California."

It's true - think about it.

We have Disneyland and a temperate climate. Florida has a temperate climate. So what do they do? The build a gi-normous imitation of the SoCal original. A few years later they say "cool! um, what else can we take?" Boom - Universal Studios Orlando. Or-friggin-lando! That makes no sense! The whole point of Universal Studios...is that it's located at Universal Studios! Maybe I shouldn't get started...

So anyways I used to rile up ex-Cronkette with that one, and these healthy conversations always devolved into a "which state is better" argument. Well, after reading this article, if you're a betting man - California wins. Sorry, ex-Cronkette.

Earthquakes? Fires? Floods? Riots that get you out of school for a few days? We'll take 'em! 'Builds character. You haven't lived until you've had a lamp fall on your head at 4am and you can't exactly say why... And except for perhaps the fires, none of those involve evacuation in the hundreds of thousands - but the fires don't count because those people inexplicably build their houses in a field of kindling way out in the 909. You reap what you sow, or you burn what you build, I guess.

(And yes, of course I wonder if Dodger GM Paul DePodesta is one of those home-builders.)

(And further yes, I give full authorization for anyone to throw this post in my face and make fun of me in 5 months when I'm living on the lake and it's 20 below. Never say I am not a just man.)

And how bout a hand for that Darren Dreifort! C'mon, let's hear it for the boy. Let's hear it for the Dodger's little baby. The kid is paid 11 million dollars just to earn three outs in the eighth and he can't do it. Blew a 5-3 lead against the Reds yesterday as the setup man. Our previous setup man, Guillermo Mota, helped the Dodgers go 45-0 this season when leading after the 7th. But that made too much sense, so Paul DePodesta traded him. Since then Dreifort has dropped two in a row.

I'll be in the corner violently banging my head against the wall and generally making my co-workers feel uncomfortable, if anyone needs me.

Here's my point: Why not pay me 11 million dollars to not do my job! I'm great at that! Hell, what do you think I'm supposed to be doing right now? You think Kenny pays me to write on his sci-fi blogoshpere? For 11 million dollars, I can fail far more miserably than Darren Dreifort ever has! Paul DePodesta don't deny it: I know the way you think, and I know you're seriously considering my offer.

And finally I'd like to give a shoutout to that nice lady in front of me in the burgundy Mercedes sports coup who, in the process of simultaneously talking on the phone and doing her makeup, cost me five minutes of my life at the 90 freeway stoplight this morning. I'm gonna start keeping a log. Starting with this gal and the guy in the beamer from the other day, I'm up to 8 minutes.

OK kids, daddy has to go now. Daddy needs a drink.