Dickie Cronkite

As if you didn't have enough reasons to despise the hated San Francisco Giants, NPR's John McChesney ran a report on SBC Park installing wireless Internet service at the stadium. I almost caused an accident when I heard this. Seriously, I almost ran over this poor woman just trying to cross the street with her groceries.

San Fran (and yes, I know you hate to be called "San Fran"), you should be ashamed. Wireless connection?? At a ballpark? That's "hella" terrible, you schmucks! What the hell is this, a baseball game or a mother-&^%$'n coffee house?! Of all the indignities done to the game!

what in the %$#&$!!!

you #%^$! I just #@%#@%!!

#T$#^^^!! how in the &%#%$&!!

[chair being thrown across the room]

^$%&#$%&*#$-#@#^!!!

I think all you hippie-beatnick-turned-yuppie "fans" up there are severely confused. A ballpark is one of the last places in America where one can truly get away from it all. Leave it all behind. Sit back, enjoy the action, take it the ebb and flow of the game's pace. No clocks, no time limits.

Truly, a timeless experience. A relatively unchanged event we share with our fathers, grandfathers and great-grandfathers.

No place to go. Nowhere to be.

Perfection.

No, I repeat, no friggin laptops! You hear me, software company CTO-boy in section 224, row 18 seat 115?? Put that shit away before I throw it out on the field like a beach ball!

I guess I should expect no less from our despised rivals to the north. It's just the latest in a long string of atrocities, from the shot heard 'round the world to Giants pitcher Juan Marichal taking a bat to our Dodger catcher's head...to this.

(And yes, I realize the Giants are on a five game winning streak and gaining on the faltering Dodgers, who've begun their annual September Collapse. No, this post has nothing to do with that fact. How dare you criticize my objectivity.)

I would also like to end this column by putting my relationship in jeopardy, and point out that Cronkette is distantly related to Juan Marichal, and yet, I am progressive and forward-thinking enough to still date her. I know, I know - you don't have to say it. Please, no praise necessary. Thank you.

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2004-09-17 5:31 PM Your Laptop + My Bat Previous Entry :: Next Entry Mood: Outrage, just pure and utter outrage Read/Post Comments (7) Share on Facebook	As if you didn't have enough reasons to despise the hated San Francisco Giants, NPR's John McChesney ran a report on SBC Park installing wireless Internet service at the stadium. I almost caused an accident when I heard this. Seriously, I almost ran over this poor woman just trying to cross the street with her groceries. San Fran (and yes, I know you hate to be called "San Fran"), you should be ashamed. Wireless connection?? At a ballpark? That's "hella" terrible, you schmucks! What the hell is this, a baseball game or a mother-&^%$'n coffee house?! Of all the indignities done to the game! what in the %$#&$!!! you #%^$! I just #@%#@%!! #T$#^^^!! how in the &%#%$&!! [chair being thrown across the room] ^$%&#$%&#$-#@#^!!! I think all you hippie-beatnick-turned-yuppie "fans" up there are severely confused. A ballpark is one of the last places in America where one can truly get away from it all. Leave it all behind. Sit back, enjoy the action, take it the ebb and flow of the game's pace. No clocks, no time limits. Truly, a timeless experience. A relatively unchanged event we share with our fathers, grandfathers and great-grandfathers. No place to go. Nowhere to be. Perfection. No,* I repeat, no friggin laptops! You hear me, software company CTO-boy in section 224, row 18 seat 115?? Put that shit away before I throw it out on the field like a beach ball! I guess I should expect no less from our despised rivals to the north. It's just the latest in a long string of atrocities, from the shot heard 'round the world to Giants pitcher Juan Marichal taking a bat to our Dodger catcher's head...to this. (And yes, I realize the Giants are on a five game winning streak and gaining on the faltering Dodgers, who've begun their annual September Collapse. No, this post has nothing to do with that fact. How dare you criticize my objectivity.) I would also like to end this column by putting my relationship in jeopardy, and point out that Cronkette is distantly related to Juan Marichal, and yet, I am progressive and forward-thinking enough to still date her. I know, I know - you don't have to say it. Please, no praise necessary. Thank you. Read/Post Comments (7) Previous Entry :: Next Entry Back to Top
:: HOME :: GET EMAIL UPDATES :: The Desert Sun :: J-school :: Undergrad :: Hoya Saxa :: The Other Dark Continent :: Greatest Sports Franchise Ever :: Bill Simmons - Sports Guy Home Page :: Laker Jim's Kurt Rambis Page :: Dodger Blues Dot Com :: This American Life :: Slate :: NOVICA.com :: Racist Big East Semi Final Loser :: Karen Warrior-Chieftain :: Sara Global :: Kirty Word :: Award-winning Pointlessness :: The Ultimate Douchebag :: RM :: Miss E's Opinions :: Dad's book ::