So the Yankees are one game away from the World Series.

Again.

Is anybody even still rooting for these guys? Really? How does that work? Please explain it to me, I am but a simple man.

*****

Check out this quote from my favorite author, George Saunders, on the upcoming presidential election:

"I'm planning to vote for John Kerry, four times. Once for me, and once each for Jerry Smith, Jerry Smith, and Jerry Smith, three African-Americans in Florida who, unfortunately for them, have the same name as Jerry Smith, an ex-felon, and therefore won't be allowed to vote. So I'm going to level the playing field a bit.

No, just kidding. I am going to vote for John Kerry because I am deeply disappointed in the vision of America being advanced by the Bush administration. Let's think of this in terms of Huck Finn. Huck is generous, concerned about the suffering of others, generally pleased with life, and interested in it. Tom Sawyer, on the other hand, is obsessed with a highly conceptualized view of the world, and imposing this view on others (the Sunday school picnic, Huck, Jim), regardless of how this imposition might actually affect them. Huck is bold, curious, flexible. Tom is, at heart, afraid of the world, suspicious, ego-driven, incurious, and rigid. Our nation is engaged in a struggle to decide if it is going to be the United States of Tom or the United States of Huck. Is John Kerry, then, Huck? No, but he is more Huck-like than our current president, who, in an attempt to answer a complicated question ("What to do about terrorism?") with a simple answer ("Exterminate the brutes, or some of the brutes, or some other guys who basically seem similar to the brutes, or who are, at the very least, pretty brute-like themselves") has led us into one of the bigger and more tragic Sunday school picnics in recent memory."

*****

Here in Chicago we’re getting a lot of coverage on that Arkansas tourist bus crash tragedy, since the trip originated here. Am I the only one wondering what a tourist bus is doing in Arkansas?

(See, these are those hard-hitting journalism instincts you can expect from me in the future.)

*****

I don’t know how much of a buzz this story got, but if you haven’t seen it read this letter from WSJ reporter Farnaz Fassihi. (Yes, WSJ as in “Wall Street Journal.) It was intended to be a private message to friends, but one of her friends felt inclined to release it to the public.

Fassihi has a reputation of being a solid, credible reporter, and she didn’t mean for this letter to get out in the open (…even if it offers a far more candid – and probably realistic – depiction of the situation there). Regardless, WSJ has put her on leave indefinitely and declined to comment any further – even when an editor sent them a public letter asking if she would be re-instated. Happy-happy, joy-joy.

*****

Anybody else see these excerpts from Phil Jackson’s new tell-all book on the Lakers tragic final season of almost-glory? My Dad and I have almost come to blows over who’s the real reason for the implosion (and who should’ve left): Shaq or Kobe. I maintain that Kobe’s an immature spoiled little brat, while my Dad says Shaq was the real problem (at which point I wait two seconds for the shock of such an inane comment to subside). Sure, Shaq was old. Sure, he had the ego. Sure, he had a better chance making a free-throw blindfolded than he did staring at the basket. But you could run your offense through Shaq. He was a legitimate team leader, while Bryant’s a loner who just wants the ball. Plus, he has that whole “rape allegation” thing looming. (For my Dad’s safety & protection from N.O.W., I will keep his identity concealed. Dad, your head may be in the wrong place, but I still love you.)

Anyways, it turns out Phil Jackson generally agrees with me (as usual, Dickie’s the big winner. Dickie wins.)

And yes, for the record it does bother me that after enforcing a strict "no-tell" policy in the Laker locker room Phil the philosophical zen master goes ahead and writes a tell-all book.

(even if he agrees with my Laker expertise)

*****

Anyone see that new Levis commercial, where the guy brings flowers to his girlfriend’s apartment, then while she’s putting them in a vase and water he reaches out the window, grabs his jeans hanging from a tree branch, puts them on, and runs back out the door? Then you see him on the sidewalk outside, where all his clothes had been tossed out of the window, some on the ground, some others still stuck in the tree?

F-ing Brilliant! Why can’t I write commercials?

([ahem] Unless Cronkette is reading this, in which case I find that misogynistic commercial horrific and deplorable. OK, honey? I love you too.)

*****

Quote ‘o the Day:

I’m really turning into an asshole, being in sales for the last three years.

--Roommate Phil (I guess you gotta know him, he’s a funny guy)

And Lord knows he’s not the real asshole in this apartment. Thank God he’s here.