I'd say 75 percent of my readers (three out of the four) might've read my "written" impersonations of Bill O'Reilly broadcasting his talking-points memo.

Instead of dilligently researching our new beats for the quarter in class this afternoon (If you ever have to pay a visit to the Skokie courthouse, watch out...), my buddy Hugh and I spent the time cracking up over this gem linked off the Drudge Report.

In case you missed it, this is an excerpt off the Smoking Gun highlighting the complaints in a recent sexual harrassment suit filed against Mr. O'Reilly, pillar of patriotism and example of integrity, by a Fox News producer.

Seriously, this stuff writes itself. (It's perfect for days like this when I just want to mail it in.) Notice how much the language actually sounds like a talking-points memo broadcast, as he fantasizes about accompanying the producer on a Caribbean vacation:

"Well, if I took you down there then I'd want to take a shower with you right away, that would be the first thing I'd do ... Yeah, we'd check into the room, and we would order up some room service and uh and you'd definitely get two wines into you as quickly as I could get into you I would get 'em into you ... maybe intravenously, get those glasses of wine into you...

"You would basically be in the shower and then I would come in and I'd join you and you would have your back to me and I would take that little loofa thing and kinda' soap up your back ... rub it all over you, get you to relax, hot water ... and um ... you know, you'd feel the tension drain out of you and uh you would still be with your back to me and I would kinda' put my arm - it's one of those mitts, those loofa mitts you know, so I got my hands in it ... and I would put it around front, kinda rub your tummy a little bit with it, and then with my other hand I would start to massage your boobs, get your nipples really hard ... 'cuz I like that and you have really spectacular boobs....

"So I'd be rubbing your big boobs and getting your nipples really hard, 'kinda kissing your neck from behind ... and then I would take the other hand with the falafel thing [huh?] and I'd put it on your pussy but you'd have to do it really light, just kind of a tease business...."

O'Reilly sure has a way with the ladies. I don't know about you, but I'm taking notes.

If somebody made this up, then I've got some *serious* O'Reilly impersonation competition. Seriously, can't you just picture him saying this?

Again, this stuff just writes itself. Classic.