Okay folks, I've decided to save you some time and do the groundwork. Here are some results:

Mexico: The obvious choice by proximity, right? Currently, fares are about the same for Mexico City and Guadalajara – just over $200 on AVIASCA. Personally, I would go with Mexico City, which has some pretty fun & cosmopolitan areas, and I recommend you look for housing in the Contessa district. Your high school Spanish will come back to you in a flash.

Brazil: Feeling bold? Speaking as someone's who's had the recent privilege of visiting down there, let me be the first to commend you on this sunny choice. Rio's simply fabulous, and once you get a handle on the Portuguese things are gonna go swimmingly.

Varig is having a one-way 2-stop special for just over $1000 leaving Nov. 24. Be sure to capitalize! But remember: There's a reciprocity $100 visa fee to enter the country, since we're doing the same thing to their citizens.

Thanks to the good people of Florida and Ohio...it doesn't look like that visa fee is going anywhere any time soon.

Canada: Brrr! A snowball’s chance in hell, for me! Well, that is, until our good friends in the Selective Service bust open the books again for the first time since Vietnam. When that happens, I’ll be happily ice fishing in the Northern Territories. But anyways, you can leave for beautiful Vancouver on Nov. 24 for just over $200.


…look, take advantage of these rates, people! With the election going the way it did, they’re not going to stay at these levels for very long.


Bangkok: (“Bangkok,” giggle) I hear good things, especially about the northern Chiang Mai territories of Thailand. It gets pretty humid though, and the language is daunting. But if you’re interested: $651 on Delta. All the pad thai you can eat.

Bali: Now we’re talking! But it’s gonna cost you: About $1000 to Denpasar on Eva. The surfing though? First-rate, if you don’t get stuck on the reef.


(It’s coming in over the wires that Kerry has officially made “the phone call” to Bush. Excuse me. [Head violently banging on coffee table.])

Madrid: Wow, what a city. Drink away the sorrows of your homeland with some delicious sangria at the underground Cuevas bar for only $427 on the curiously-named carrier Air Lingus.


So there are some preliminary options, to flee the United Red States of America. Please do keep me posted where you and your loved ones re-locate!

I spent election night covering local Democratic and Republican clubs and election celebrations. 'Not bad, considering I got to talk to a losing Republican state-senate candidate and a winning Democratic state rep candidate. But I did feel a little dirty hanging out for about an hour in the Niles Township Republican HQ. The place was a cross between a nursing home and a shelter for some of the most socially awkward individuals I've ever seen. This guy who couldn't have been less than 90 starting playing the cliché dirty ol’ man to the female reporter I’d paired up with.

These are the guys that won.

The dems? Spirited. Sharp. Idealistic. Friendly. Approachable.

These are the guys that lost.

This morning I woke up and saw my shadow. [shudder] Looks like four more years of heavy drinking.

Well, as long as the decent folk of Ohio are happy, I guess. They may not have jobs, but at least they can sit around in their living rooms watching the soaps and taking comfort in their "moral values."

[head again being violently banged against coffee table. Welts developing.]

I'm embarrassed for our country in the eyes of the rest of the world. It's gonna take a loooong time to get our credibility back, if ever. But worse, I'm worried about where this decision steers us, long term, as a nation and when we’ll make it back...if ever.