Resistence is futile.






Ugh, bust out the brooms: Your Los Angeles Dodgers are on the verge of getting swept in a disgraceful playoff showing, on this iffy Saturday sports day.

The Huskies almost pulled the upset on USC, except Ty Willingham doesn't know how to count to two.

Two frickin seconds. One. Two. If I'm an ND fan, I'm leaving the controversy behind and glad Charlie Weiss is my coach. Seriously - somebody get Charlie a ham sandwich! ...And is it possible to have your stomach stapled twice?

We're typing on one of my parents' new matching laptops, a necessary purchase to help them continue their busy schedule of being retired. I stopped in to catch this Dodgers travesty on the way back from Santa Barbara, for Boozemyer's nuptuals. Twelve straight hours drinking at the Montecito Four Seasons - it's a wonder we didn't jump Oprah's fence, and that I'm not shakier than Greg Maddux right now. (Five hits in the first inning?! Christ.)

At least we got to watch the Tigers crush New York. Would the Yankees be running across the House That Ruth Built gleefully spraying their fans with champagne...after winning a division series? That's exactly why they deserve to lose. I kept waiting for Steinbrenner to pump barrels of cash onto the field in a desperate attempt to motivate his lineup.

Here's an important question: Does Johnny Damon more resemble a stormtrooper or The Borg? Do we call him "Jonathan" with the shave and haircut? I mean, he's a stormtrooper in that the Yankees erased his character and individuality. He's shaped up and gotten in lock-step with the organization. He's a Yes-Man who can follow orders. But similarly, he's like The Borg in his ghastly assimilation. The Borg saw a threat - the man who dealt them their game-seven grand-slam death two years ago - and rather than destroy him, they brainwashed him Picard-style and put him to good use. I dunno - I could go both ways on this. By the way, I've kissed a girl before.

And I'll kiss Mark Hendrickson if he can hold the Mets, their lead now cut to two. Please God, please God...