I'm gonna do my best impression of those crazy folk you see on Hollywood Blvd. or the Venice Boardwalk. Or that nutty lady who used to sit with her signs at M Street and Wisconsin.

PREPARE YOURSELVES - THE END IS NEAR!


The other night the moon turned red! Well, orange really - but close enough right? The Santa Anas stopped blowing out to sea, so in addition to weird harvesty moons now we're graced with a Martian-like haze of soot and ash during the day. Today thousands of local kids were denied their God-given right to play AYSO soccer, due to the air quality. The children, people. Think of the children!

It's a terrible, catastrophic loss, and it's eerie to drive anywhere in God's Country these days. But I'm surprised at how surprised everyone is. Katrina, much? Drought, much? Dare I say ... Climate Change, much?

(Unless you're, say, the ranking member on the Senate Environmental and Public Works Committee.)

Also, I just ripped off RBESFL's old "____, much?" line. But she's busy hiding in the corner, stunned at how the Charlie Weis era has developed. She'll never know I borrowed it.


I watched multiple episodes of Project Runway! I got home from work the other day and Nameless stapled my eyelids open, forcing me to watch the last three episodes of an all-day Bravo marathon that had sucked her in. We had a wonderful visit, but that was her vengeance before heading back north. Her Palestinian suicide-bomber retaliation for being cooped in my apartment the prior three weeks with nothing to do but play Tetris.

Good lord, this show is a hate crime against straight guys. The host, the contestants, the fashion ... challenges? Is that what those are? Look, Queer-Eye was a fun show that humorously took aim at straight men's woeful fashion shortcomings. We could all watch and laugh together. Runway, on the other hand, chases away with a stick any potential straight male viewers.

I know what you're thinking - "But Heidi Klum's the host." Yeah, but when Heidi announces special guest host "Will and Grace's Debra Messing," that's when I consider filing a discrimination lawsuit. I mean, I could have been watching the NLCS!

Speaking of...


The Red Sox are the new Yankees! Arg! A couple of years back I caught the last game of the Sox/Cardinals World Series at Frosty's crappy Near North apartment. As I toasted to the Sox finally getting the 1918 monkey off their backs and marveled at the impressive view of the brick building nextdoor, Frosty was being his usual curmudgeon self. He noted that Sox were far from the lovable underdogs - they had a payroll that nearly rivaled the Yankees. It pains me greatly to say, but he was right. In just a few years, "Red Sox Nation" has become the new evil empire that must be stopped. People swarm to enemy stadiums with trendy Sox caps and they have no idea why.


That, and I'm praying the NL Rockies can rebound and get back in this series! It may not shut up all you AL snobs, but at least we more-balanced NL fans could swiftly put you in your place.

Speaking of Chicago flashbacks...


My Alma Mater has been hijacked by a despot! These are challenging times to try to make a career in journalism. It's getting up there with being an actor in God's Country. ("Would you like to hear our dinner specials?") So it's comforting to know you can always count on the J-school Mothership as a beacon of hope and integrity in these trying times.

Oh, wait.

Yikes. Look, people tend to say screwy things in online comments sections. But when alum are comparing the new dean to Pol Pot, well, things aren't going very well. Of course someone also offers the obvious "Bush stubbornly refusing to budge on Iraq" comparison. But what piqued my attention was my fellow alum who wrote "The 2020 Vision reads like the hundreds of press releases that cross my desk daily. Lotsa words, no substance." That's exactly what I thought when I scanned the new "curriculum." Stoopid fellow alum. Took the words right outta my mouth. D'oh!

So students, alum and faculty alike are sitting on the sidelines, united in their fear that the dean could irreversibly tarnish the J-school's rep.

But wait, there's more!

This is awesome news as I sign away half my meager paycheck every month to student loans. If there's one silver lining, well, I graduated in the nick of time. I got the education I wanted at an 86-year-old institution just months before things came off the rails. There's a blessing to that, I guess, but it still sucks.


If you're looking to get pregnant read this blog! Apparently, I've hatched a very virile blog. First, there were readers Crittle and Dewey. Next, JD^2. Not to be outdone - drumroll please - Lights and B&G have announced their own little bundle of joy is on the way. (When Nameless heard, she nervously backed away and told me not to approach her.) Anyway, congrats Lights and B&G! I look forward to pummeling the little tyke in 10 years on Halo 3.



Apocalypse, ladies and gentlemen. I think I've offered more than enough evidence here. Someone get Kirk Cameron on the phone - I've got another crappy low-budget apocalypse movie for him.