*Note: Responses to the question at the end wil be much appreciated.*

So, once again, I've been keeping quite busy. Things have settled into a sort of routine: work and aikido 5 days a week, weekends for everything else.
Monday through Thursday, work 7am to 4:30 pm; Friday, 7 to 11, so I have a half-day for personal business. I'll start teaching that art class for solo mums next month during those Friday afternoon time slots.

Aikido is a good focus, great for loosening up after a day of sitting on my bum flicking little brass screws with my wrists, and for giving my life here a sense of purpose and learning. Plus it's enjoyable and challenging on its own merits, and a good place to make friends. I'm learning a great deal; each month, we have "proficiency tests,"
and I can feel myself becoming more confident with terms and moves that baffled me before. It also lets loose, in a gentle and responsible way, my warrior streak. (whereas my mother taught me about aikido as a source of peace, I find I also love the power, cultivating this ability to respond to aggression with merciless ease).

Last weekend, we went to Wanaka, down south, for a seminar (2-3 aikido sessions, of about 2 hours each, on each of two days). It was led by the head of my school here in Christchurch, but it was still a fresh experience. There were many new people to meet and train, and the format was a bit different. Fun people. I also got to see my former instructor from Alexandra, which is the closest I've come to seeing an "old friend" in a while. I found myself reflecting on nature quite a bit, too. The scenery was gorgeous, and I got to appreciate it not only on the drive down, but also looking out the enormous picture windows of the dojo every time I was pinned to the mat. (I told myself this was in keeping with the traditional Japanese values that would have influenced the art.) Having been warned in advance, I bought some polypropylene thermalwear on the way down, and wasn't bothered by the snow-scented wind coming of the hills. It was a three-day weekend, in memoriam of New Zealand's first big military sacrifice at Gallipoli, so Warren and I celebrated by sightseeing and paddling around Lake Wanaka in a surprisingly seaworthy plastic tricycle.

Some of you will be craving more info about Warren, sometimes called Wozza, who is my new boyfriend. I fell in with him almost the first week in Christchurch. He's marvelous in many ways, not the least of which (for you folks back home, anyway) is his easy way of taking care of me when I'm cold, exhausted, grumpy, accidentally locked out of my house, or otherwise at a disadvantage. He's one of those lovely souls to whom generosity and trust come naturally. Easy to talk to, inquisitive, playful, loving. Overworked, including a 5am start at his bakery job; fond of martial arts, fantasy novels and games, and things technical including cars and computers. We met at aikido, in case I didn't already mention that; we both spend enough time training that we don't bother to practice together outside the dojo, but it adds another level of understanding, topic for conversation, and common set of friends and interests. [Login again for more juicy details as I can be bothered.]

During my workday at the electronics factory, as my fingers are flying along adding whatzits to widgets like light sockets and plugs, my mind wanders. I've been daydreaming or humming to myself, but this week in particular, listening to books on tape. I chose mostly low-key ones, like short stories and poems and vaguely interesting lectures, because I didn't want there to be a conflict between getting the right number of brass bits in each socket and listening to my walkman. But I did pick out one more serious one, called "Whistle While You Work: Heeding your Life's Calling" or something like that.

As much as I like to entertain friends and family with the notion that I'm indulging in a Grand Adventure, this journey-time is mostly about regrouping and discovering what I want to do next. I'm looking for a field, project, mission, calling, path; something to work at wholeheartedly for the next ten years (hopefully more) of my productive life.

So this tape caught my eye. (I've already done "What Color is Your Parachute," the Landmark Forum, "No More Blue Mondays," and probably other, already forgotten, exercises along these lines.) Such general-audience productions can only restate the question (not tell you the answer); even so, it's good to be focusing again on the questions.

One way of restating the question defines "calling" as the gifts you naturally give to others. It's not what you do, but how and why you do it; who you are.

I'm asking friends and family, particularly those who've known me the longest, to reflect on this with me. this is where I usually get bogged down in these exercises: the aprt where you "enlist," or involve, or talk to, other people. From my perspecive, it may just be I can't see the forest for the trees; can you tell me what I am, please?
What do I bring to people and situations, almost without trying? Is there something that is so "Erica" that you'd think it was obvious?

The authors gave a list of 52 "calling cards;" however, possibilities are endless. I'm giving examples from the book and my own reflections, but please give me your own impressions too.

Bringing joy
Giving care
Creating things
Knowing / understanding things
Seeing the big picture
Awakening spirit (beauty, awareness, participation)
Doing what needs to be done
Sharing insight / shaping worldview

I've also noticed that when I look at jobs in the newspaper, I get excited about gardening, print shops, and public service, e.g. urban planning; the theme there seems to be combining aesthetics with people. Jobs I would never do include anything that strikes me as unethical, especialy where the goal of the work is neither useful or creative, but selfish or poisonous.

When I fantasize about careers from a blank slate, the dominant theme is environment or nature, with a sub-theme of sharing this with others-- via education, writing, food production, or public policy.

I want to create a world where people can live in very human ways, without being at cross-purposes with life on earth. Create areas of land vast enough to sustain whole species, that are productive of food and shelter for people, while at the same time hosting a thriving wild side; self-sustaining ecology.

What is it that I've been most consistently giving to the world in the time that you've known me?

Thanks,
Erica