Those of you that know me personally (hmm) know that I am getting married soon. That’s right, sorry ladies, I’m no longer available. Stop sending me those emails about how you had a crush on me in high school and are now desperate to have sex with me and that I should get in contact with you at www.cutegirlsinyourtown.com, which btw you never seem to get back to me about.

Anyways, we registered for our gifts but there were a couple things that I wanted that didn’t get put down. I thought that, you, loyal reader may wish to get in on the gift buying action before it’s too late. Go into any local Sears store or Sears Online Registry and search for my name, and you can pick out an appropriate item to celebrate the occasion. (I left her name simply as “girl” Findel because I have been made aware that some Dutch weirdos are tracking people down on the internet, and not because she does not exist, because she does, I swear, I know I don’t believe it either sometimes but its true, no she’s not ‘mentally handicapped’ as you know you are not allowed to marry someone who is challenged in that way, in Michigan at least...)

One other gift that you may select for me is 100% American grown Kobe beef; Friendly Neighborhood Kroger. Don’t ask me how they can grow a product in the US that by definition must be grown in Japan, one of life’s little mysteries I guess…


PS. If one of you, for what ever reason, actually wants to send a REAL gift, send me an email and I will set up a PO Box or something because if there's one thing that overcomes my paranoia of internet strangers, it would be greed...